What You Don’t Know Can Hurt You Imagine you go to the doctor and learn that you might have cancer. You are sent home and told to come back next week to find out. You don’t know if you have cancer, what kind, or your prognosis. Suddenly you don’t know what your future looks like or how much of a future you even have. As you look at your kids, you’ll wonder if they will have to grow up without a mom or dad. You don’t know your own reality anymore. What will you focus on during that next week? Will … Continue reading →
In this article I will use the terms wife or she for the betrayed spouse because that is the focus of my work. However, the information applies regardless of whether the betrayer was the husband or wife. Several years ago I had a client come see me about her second husband’s sex addiction. Her first husband, she explained, had died suddenly of a heart attack at age 45 while out jogging. The shock and grief at that time had felt unbearable. Years passed and she remarried. Now, she told me, as she was coming to grips with her husband’s addiction, … Continue reading →
Last night as I watched one of my favorite TV shows I found myself doing something I know we all have done before. We’ve all yelled at the TV screen, saying something like, “Why don’t you just tell her?!” When a female character in my television show refused several marriage proposals from her boyfriend, he became hurt. Later we learn that she can’t marry him because she is already married. She never divorced because her husband was abusive and if he finds her he will probably try to kill her. She’s been on the run from him for years. So … Continue reading →
When a women discovers she is married to a sex addict, all trust is lost. She feels she doesn’t even know the man who shares her bed. Her entire marriage may feel like a lie. If her husband is getting help for his addiction, and if she decides to stay in the marriage, her mind is plagued with questions. As if she just discovered werewolves and the tooth fairy are real, she begins to question everything she believed to be true. A couple of the most common questions I hear are, “How can I trust him?” and “How do I … Continue reading →
In my seven years of counseling sex addicts and their wives, I’ve seen some common themes amongst the sex addicts’ families of origin. I’d like to share them with you today. Here are six ways to raise a sex addict. In the chance that you’d rather focus on raising your child to live a life of sexual purity, I’ve included a link at the end of each of my six points so you can quickly access an alternative approach. Create a home environment where emotions are not openly expressed. Teach your kids that expressing feelings–such as fear, sadness, and insecurity–is … Continue reading →