Anger. Betrayal. Mistrust. Loneliness. Maybe this is the first time you’ve caught him using pornography. Maybe you’ve caught him many times and have finally reached the breaking point. Maybe he’s even gone so far as acting out and having an affair. Maybe he’s belligerent, insisting, “It’s no big deal” or “It’s your fault I watch it.” Or maybe he claims to be repentant but doesn’t seem to be taking steps to stop. Regardless of the actions he is taking, your husband has betrayed your trust. Right now, your emotions are probably dominated by alternating feelings of anger and helplessness and numbness, … Continue reading →
Episode 142 When you’re in a serious dating relationship or engaged, what should you do when you discover your boyfriend or fiancé watches porn habitually? While many relationship counselors advise transparency and honest conversation around this topic, what does it actually look like in real life? In today’s podcast, Matt Fradd interviews Ben and Maria, a couple that attended the recent SEEK Conference in Nashville about their personal experiences. Get our weekly podcasts in your inbox Listen to more of our podcasts on iTunes.
A survey taken among divorce lawyers found that 56% of divorce cases involve at least one party having an “obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” The more we know about the effects of pornography on the brain, this shouldn’t surprise us. Neuroscientists have shown us the chemicals and neurotransmitters that are activated when a man views pornography, leading to a neurochemical imbalance in the brain, a decrease of sexual satisfaction in marriage, and even impotence. Aside from this, obsessive porn use isn’t an isolated problem. It is often something shrouded in shame and secrecy, raising many emotionally difficult questions for wives. Learn more about … Continue reading →
Every day on our blog, women post comments telling their stories and asking for help because their husbands use pornography. As I answer the comments, I’m noticing some common themes. I’d like to share what I’m seeing, because it may be helpful to other women as they evaluate and respond to their own situations. The first theme is about pornography use: what are men doing? The second theme is about a spouse’s response: what are women (spouses and partners) doing? A Spectrum of Unhealthy Pornography Users From the stories women tell me, I see four general types of porn users. There may be … Continue reading →
I’ve heard it said that there are men who don’t look at porn, and then there are men who are breathing. If recent surveys are any indication, porn use has become the norm among men, not the exception. Still, I get a lot of questions from women who are feeling the heartbreaking impact of porn on their marriages. To them porn feels like cheating, and for good reason. It is. I understand why many don’t think this is true (reasons I’ll address below), but first it is important that I define some terms. By “using porn” I don’t mean merely seeing … Continue reading →