Porn and Your Husband

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

7 thoughts on “How Can I Prepare for My Husband’s Next Porn Relapse?

  1. Awesome article, Coach Rae. You’ve provided many tips partners need to hear. There’s always an unspoken of “What if he relapses?” in the wives and girlfriends.

    The possibility is so painful they are afraid of even voicing it–and that’s definitely how it was for me.

    So I’m so glad you addressed this issue so pointedly.

    I personally will be using one of your tips with the couples we work with (the ‘relapse preparedness fund’ and how to get him to agree with it.) Awesome!

  2. Rae,
    I have a question for you. Let’s change the players a bit. You had a one night stand. (sexual not a rock band). You & your hubby are committed to restoration. Your two yrs. out from the full disclosure , therapy, etc.

    At your workplace one day after an office meeting you linger to discuss a project w/a co-worker. He’s hot. In this discussion you happen to kiss him. Its brief, just once & you feel devasted!

    You tell your hubby & he forgives you & you discuss w/your therapist.

    Six months later you have to go on a business trip. After the meeting w/client you stop for a drink in the hotel bar. A guy asked you to dance. He happens to “touch” you all the while you know he is up for more, if you are. It felt good to be held & a little touchy not bad.

    Then back in the room (alone) your devasted again. Upon returning home you disclose fully to hubby AND….does he forgive you AGAIN?

    In a large survey 75% of married men stated if their wife committed adultery they would LEAVE her. Only about 25% of women said they would leave if their husband was the Adulter. Interesting.

    Change the sin…do we continue to allow a spouse to be drunk or stoned? An alcoholic in real recovery can’t continue taking a drink. Neither the drug addict.

    Bottom line if a husband continues in Porn there has not been the “Godly Sorrow” that the Apostle Paul stated in the NT that leads to REAL repentance.

    And the wife & children are in real danger for the Spiritual, Emotional & even Physical safety.

    • Hi, Wren – thank you for sharing a clear, calm, logical response. I appreciate it.

      Chris

    • Amen!

      True Godly repentance is a complete 180 change. Go and sin no more (stop all habitual sin).

      At one point in my life, I CHOOSE to control the only thing I felt I could with bulimarexia.
      There was a definite wake up point, I sought help, repented, got rid of any stumbling block (if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out) and instead turned my focus to who I am in Christ.

      This was decades ago and I have not turned back to it, nor replaced it with any other excessive behavior.

      God promises that we are more than conquerers through Christ our Lord.
      Make Him and pleasing Him the focus, so our gaze does not stray from the narrow path.

    • Here’s something that has been driving me crazy: Here I am, a porn addict, and despite my best efforts, I seem to not be able to stop slipping and viewing porn every couple months, always feeling despair, disgust and shame afterwards. So here I am, hurting my wife (who I am separated from at the moment, and whom I love dearly), giving her every reason in the world to leave me (and I wouldn’t blame her!).

      Yet, I am consumed with the fear that she may be going through the very same temptations you describe above in your scenario above. She is gorgeous, and many many men have tried to hit on her, I am sure all of them better men than I. What if she gives in to her desire to be loved and taken care of? I would be devastated beyond words. But yet, here I am, a porn addict!

      How insane is that?

  3. My husband’s next relapse is us getting divorced b/c I refuse to live like this anymore. Either quit or get out. We are already living in separate bedrooms and his addiction spilled over into my oldest.

    I hate porn. That is all.

  4. Amen Wren!

    True Godly repentance is a complete 180 change. Go and sin no more (stop all habitual sin). Matthew 5:28,29 is very clear about adultery.

    At one point in my life, I CHOSE to control the only thing I felt I could with bulimarexia.
    There was a definite wake up point, I sought help, repented, got rid of any stumbling block (if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out) and instead turned my focus to who I am in Christ.

    This was decades ago and I have not turned back to it, nor replaced it with any other excessive behavior.

    God promises that we are more than conquerers through Christ our Lord.
    Make Him and pleasing Him the focus, so our gaze does not stray from the narrow path.

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