Defeat Lust & Pornography A group of men sitting around and talking about life.
Defeat Lust & Pornography 3 minute read

Why Can’t I Change? Secrets to Overcoming Porn

Last Updated: September 7, 2022

“I really need help. I could stop for a week but after the week I lose control. I really need help.” – Covenant Eyes Blog Comment

Many people realize that porn is destructive but still find it impossible to break the habit. Why is change so difficult? Is there a secret to finding freedom once and for all?

In our work helping people overcome porn, we’ve had thousands of people come to us with these questions. To help answer them, we partnered with Dr. James Reeves, the founding pastor of Fort Worth’s City on a Hill Church, and created Life Change: A Biblical Journey to Freedom. Using the structure of 12 step programs and rooted in biblical teaching, this workbook walks you through the process of finding real freedom from pornography.

Where do you begin?

In Life Change, we find the starting point to a porn-free life. It’s not intense hatred of porn and its effects on your life. It’s not self-control. It’s not even a deep spiritual commitment. It’s more basic: You have to know what you’re fighting for. Dr. Reeves writes, “If you don’t know what you are fighting for, the reasons to give up and give in will crush your resolve” (9).

Too many people see quitting porn strictly in negative terms—”I just need to stop this behavior.” But an effective strategy to stop watching porn begins with a deep understanding of why you should stop. You need to know the benefits of overcoming porn as well as the consequences of continuing to watch it. Life Change wants you to slow down and take the time to reflect on what you’re fighting for.

Here are two things you’re fighting for in the battle against porn. Be sure to check out the Life Change workbook to find out more!

The Battle of the Brain

“We are in a fight for a healthy brain. Porn not only impacts the brain, but it actually changes its structure. The fight against porn is literally a fight for a healthy brain…. You need to understand that long-term porn use changes the neurochemistry and structure of the brain and makes porn feel like a physical and mental requirement to get through life.” (Life Change, 10)

Knowing how porn affects our bodies and our brains, in particular, gives a crucial advantage in the battle. Don’t worry, you don’t need to become a neuroscientist to quit porn! However, Life Change gives basic information on how the brain works and what porn does to it.

Chris Mckenna, the found of Protect Young Eyes and the digital marketing manager at Covenant Eyes, explains how understanding the brain helped him discover why porn was so tough to quit, “I started to understand the very real scientific possibility that I could teach my brain to crave porn more than my wife.”

The Battle for Relationships

“We are also in a fight for healthy relationships. We were created for an intimate relationship with God and with each other. I have heard it said that, ‘Life is relationships. When relationships are bad, life is bad. When relationships are good, life is good.’ I think most of us can agree with the general truth of that statement.” (Life Change, 12)

We’ve previously written about 6 ways That Watching Porn Affects Your Relationships. When you decide to battle against porn, you’re making a positive decision to fight for your relationships. We often think of porn as a private activity that doesn’t affect anyone else. In Life Change, Dr. Reeves explores what it means to fight for your relationships with God and others.

Comments on: Why Can’t I Change? Secrets to Overcoming Porn

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related in Defeat Lust & Pornography

Editor's Picks

A normal couple in bed watching porn.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Is Watching Porn Normal?

Statistics show that watching porn is extremely common—but does that make it…

9 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Man looking in the mirror, thinking about his identity.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

7 Identities That Make Pornography Fade Into Insignificance

Right now our culture seems to be obsessed with identifying ourselves by…

8 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Scientist looking at a brain scan for dopamine.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Porn and Dopamine: Superstar or Supervillain?

Dopamine has received a lot of popular press these days, especially when…

6 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A young man studying lust in the Bible at the library.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

What is lust in the Bible?

You probably don’t hear the word “lust” very often outside of church…

11 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Young man graduating from college.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

My Integrity Is Not for Sale: Living With Integrity in an Immoral World

There are some statements that stick better in my mind than others.…

5 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

silhouette of a man standing on a hill

Defeat Lust & Pornography

John’s Story: From Darkness to Light

How can a young person live a life of integrity using today’s…

5 minute read

Read Post

Related in Defeat Lust & Pornography

A normal couple in bed watching porn.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Is Watching Porn Normal?

Statistics show that watching porn is extremely common—but does that make it…

Statistics show that watching porn is extremely common—but does that make it normal? Two-thirds of men regularly consume pornography along with a third of women. So it is true that plenty of normal people watch…

9 minute read

1 comment

Man looking in the mirror, thinking about his identity.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

7 Identities That Make Pornography Fade Into Insignificance

Right now our culture seems to be obsessed with identifying ourselves by…

Right now our culture seems to be obsessed with identifying ourselves by our genitalia, sexuality, political views, and skin color. Of course, these can be important pieces to a person’s identity, but they are only…

8 minute read

0 comments

Scientist looking at a brain scan for dopamine.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Porn and Dopamine: Superstar or Supervillain?

Dopamine has received a lot of popular press these days, especially when…

Dopamine has received a lot of popular press these days, especially when it comes to things like watching porn. Depending on who you ask, you might think dopamine is a superstar or a supervillain. Once…

6 minute read

2 comments

A young man studying lust in the Bible at the library.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

What is lust in the Bible?

You probably don’t hear the word “lust” very often outside of church…

You probably don’t hear the word “lust” very often outside of church these days. If, like me, you grew up in the heyday of evangelical Purity Culture, you probably heard it a lot! But even…

11 minute read

0 comments

Young man graduating from college.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

My Integrity Is Not for Sale: Living With Integrity in an Immoral World

There are some statements that stick better in my mind than others.…

There are some statements that stick better in my mind than others. One statement that caught my attention years ago from a pastoral mentor: “My integrity is not for sale.” When I first heard this…

5 minute read

0 comments

silhouette of a man standing on a hill

Defeat Lust & Pornography

John’s Story: From Darkness to Light

How can a young person live a life of integrity using today’s…

How can a young person live a life of integrity using today’s technology? This is a question I have asked myself thousands of times. Growing up, it was always my heart’s desire to live a…

5 minute read

0 comments