I was a newly minted Bible school graduate and had already spent several years on the Covenant Eyes’ Member Care team. I was ready and equipped to help—especially with porn.
Then the cry for help came unexpectedly from my friend David.
“I… I wanted to talk to you about something… I’ve been struggling with porn.”
My heart broke for him, but I was also excited. This is what I’m here for—this is my calling!
At first, I confidently offered encouragement, prayer, and Scripture. But over time, David kept struggling. My practiced answers and ready-made solutions were like flickering candles in the face of overwhelming darkness.
As more of David’s story came out, I found his porn use was fueled by deep loneliness and depression. David was buried in isolation, spending most of his time locked away in a small bedroom, rarely coming out to see the light of day. He lived in a slimy pit of despair, and I was supposed to get him out.
The more I listened to David’s cries for help, the less confident I became, and the less confident he became that I actually had anything to offer him.
There was nothing I could tell him he hadn’t already heard a dozen times. I didn’t have any better answers.
Have you ever been in this situation? Are you an ally who isn’t sure how to be an ally? Or maybe you’re like David, and you need your friends to be better equipped to help you quit porn. We asked our members about the biggest challenges they faced in accountability relationships. The responses we received demonstrated that accountability is very important, but it’s also a very challenging topic. People want to know how to find trustworthy allies, how to have conversations on sensitive topics like porn, and how to deal with bad accountability relationships.
I’ve written a new ebook on accountability, based on real questions from our members, as well as challenges I’ve personally faced in my own accountability relationships. To answer these questions, I drew on Covenant Eyes’ 20+ years of experience equipping accountability relationships. I turned to wisdom insights from top experts in the field of porn recovery. I wanted to make something that would combine these insights into a single resource. The result was Allied: Fighting Porn Through Accountability, Faith, and Friends. It answers these critical questions:
What does the Bible teach about accountability?
The foundation for this resource is an in-depth look at biblical teaching about accountability. Is accountability found in the Bible? What does it look like? Why are so many people confused about it? How does this inform accountability relationships in the 21st century? Along with an exploration of the relevant biblical passages, we include discussion questions for each chapter so you can use this book in a Bible study, small group, or one-on-one accountability meetings.
Why are allies so important?
Everybody’s heard about “accountability partners,” but there’s a lot of confusion about how these relationships are supposed to work. This ebook examines the idea of allies, how this concept fits with biblical teaching, and why allies are so important for quitting porn.
We also look at some of the common objections people have to seeking out accountability relationships. Rather than some modern invention, we’ll see that allies are a pivotal part of God’s design for the Christian life. The ebook shares practical advice on how to find these relationships and some important mindsets for getting off on the right foot.
How do you do accountability?
Do you want to skip the “what” and “why” and get to the “how” of accountability? More than anything, I wanted this resource to be a practical tool for people who are ready to dive into accountability but aren’t sure where to start.
In the second half of the book, I look at the common pitfalls of accountability relationships and how to avoid them. It explains exactly what’s necessary for an accountability relationship to work. It also gives a practical, step-by-step guide to accountability partnerships, with helpful advice on establishing the relationship and printable assessments and discussion guides that you can use to get started with conversations.
I’m excited to be sharing this new resource with you! I pray that God will use this ebook to encourage and equip many relationships for the fight against porn.