Rebuild Your Marriage
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4 Critical Steps to Save Your Marriage

Last Updated: August 10, 2021

Marriage.

It’s the most exciting life-long journey a man and woman can take together. It’s a hilly, bumpy, and at times, treacherous and painful trek. It can also be filled with unspeakable beauty, joy, intimacy, times of peace and ecstasy that I wouldn’t trade for anything on this planet.

Oddly enough, I wouldn’t trade away all those hills, bumps and pains of the journey either. My marriage survived those obstacles, not by luck or sheer will power, but by intention, tons of prayer and the power of God, through the saving blood of Jesus Christ.In my recovery from a pornography addiction, my wife and I learned valuable lessons that helped us in the process of saving a very broken and sick marriage. I determined I could learn from my past failures, but I’m not relegated to live there. Neither are you.

I realize not all of you are in the same place in terms of marital circumstances. Some of you may be on the verge of pulling the life-support plug and others are fighting for your lives and marriage and everywhere in between.

I believe that any marriage is capable of being restored. God is in the business of resurrecting the dead, including your marriage. I have witnessed marriages on their last breath be saved.

Hope is real. Hope has a name. That name is Jesus Christ.

Certainly there are more than four steps to saving your marriage. These four steps are a must to give your marriage a fighting chance to heal, and in time, thrive.

Pray with and for each other daily.

It’s difficult to stay angry and bitter with someone that you are praying for. The positive affects on a relationship, as this is practiced can be profound. As tension because of anger or bitterness begins to recede, an air of compassion becomes its replacement. And, in time trust will sprout from this watering of each other’s souls. This is a MUST!

Keep no secrets.

Secrets no matter how harmless they seem are a ticking time bomb. As much as prayer for one another builds bridges, withheld secrets are the fuse on the dynamite that will blow that bridge to bits. This step hurts sometimes. Telling the truth is not a guarantee of escaping conflict. Secrets are like cutting your finger on a rusty nail and leaving it untreated. You can hide the wound under a bandage, but eventually the pain will be bad enough you can’t hide it.

Seek Biblical counsel.

I use the term counsel in the Biblical and clinical terminology here. Get connected to guy (or couple) who has been there and done that, and is now in a healthy growing marriage. A man who is a Christ follower and sees His example as the one to follow in marriage. Their experience can prove invaluable to you and your wife.

Find a Certified Biblical Counselor. This is an error I made in my initial recovery. I did not seek this counsel and the journey to freedom was likely lengthier and more painful than it needed to be. Many pastors are certified in Biblical counseling. Find a counselor who sees the Bible as the first, best and last book to counsel from. Many Christian counselors ascribe to this belief, but not all. You can use the link attached to Certified Biblical Counselor above or through the Pure Community. Both will help you find a counselor near you.

This is a battle you cannot face and win alone.

There are many steps that we need to take if we hope to find healing, restoration and growth in a wounded and hurting marriage. But God is still in the miracle business and he uses His people and church to do the work.

Want It.

Underneath this all must lie a desire to heal that which is broken. Brokenness does not have to be terminal. In fact the brokenness you may be in the middle of can be very fertile soil for healing. The key for you is wanting to be healed and free–individually and as a couple.

God created and ordained marriage in the beginning. He loves you and your wife equally. He desires that your marriage survive. Marriage is designed to mirror the relationship between Jesus Christ and his Church. As men that means we sacrifice and fight for our brides and our marriages with everything we have. Christ died for His bride, the Church.

We at Be Broken Ministries encounter men and marriages on every scale of brokenness. If you don’t even know where to go next, you can start getting help at our website 2.bebroken.com.

If you pray, keep no secrets and seek good Biblical counsel, you will be on a good path to recovery and a restored marriage. As the Apostle Paul wrote: I’ve fought the good fight and won the race considering the eternal outcome.

As husbands, so should we.

Comments on: 4 Critical Steps to Save Your Marriage
  1. Craig White

    Thanks for the encouragement. After 52 years of marriage, my wife discovered my porn addiction and it almost ended our marriage. Through this terrible event, I have drawn closer to Jesus than ever in my life. Through my accountability partner and resources in my church, I am on the path of recovery. It is hard for my wife and I pray for her daily. I’m just living each day to please an audience of one -Jesus. My hope for the recovery of my marriage is in my relationship with Jesus. He can restore that which is broken.

    • Kay Bruner

      Craig, you might also be interested in looking at this article I wrote a while back, which talks about how to build emotional trust in a marriage. I find that emotional trust is the most common missing piece in recovery, but it’s absolutely vital to a truly restored relationship. Blessings, Kay

    • Skepticalwife

      Craig, I am so glad you are on the path of recovery ~ but the ‘terrible event’ was not your wife finding your porn viewing…the terrible events were every time you looked at porn or lusted….every time you chose self over your now audience of One. May He continue to heal your wife and you.

  2. Craig, thank you for sharing your story. It is a difficult path, this recovery process, for both husband and wife. Continue to pray for your wife, and I would encourage you to pray with her also. I’m blessed to hear this article encouraged you. Jesus is our healer and rescuer and in Him restoration that is otherwise impossible is possible. Keep fighting the good fight. My prayers for you an your marriage, Craig.

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