Pornography is a problem. Chuck Swindoll says, “Pornography is the greatest cancer in the church today.” I believe it. The more I counsel people on a regular basis, the more I see the harmful effects of pornography in the church today.
It’s Trapping Many People
A study recently conducted by the Barna Group in the US showed that 63% of men, ages 18 to 30, view pornography several times a week. Think about that. More than HALF of the young men you see everyday look at porn multiple times a week.
Between March 1999-2001, Alexa Research examined ten of the leading search engines, and the #1 search was “sex” with “porn” being ranked #4. This is especially true of men. Studies show men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females (that wasn’t a typo: 543%).
Porn is all around. Many in the church are enslaved by it, and there seems to be no way out.
Related: Why the Church Must Be a No-Shame Zone
A statement I hear time and time again from those I counsel is, “When the desire comes, I feel that I have to look at porn.” Maybe you have experienced this yourself or have heard someone make a statement quite like it.
So, is porn just inevitable for the Christian man or woman?
There Is Hope
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him“ (Eph. 1:3-4).
As Christians, God not only chose us to be His before the foundation of the world, but He chose us to “be holy and blameless before him.” Wow! What a wonderful truth. God has called you and I to holiness.
So here is the question: Does God command ends without providing means? By no means! “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who has called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Pet. 1:3).
You know what this means? There is hope.
Christ took your sin on the cross and rose from the dead to show He has power over sin and death. By placing your faith in Christ, there is hope. Through the Gospel (good news) and the Holy Spirit in you, you never have to look at pornography again.
Understanding the Trap
After understanding the powerful resources God has given you through the Gospel to say no to pornography, you must now move toward an understanding of WHY you desire to look at porn.
Related: 6 Reasons Why Men and Women Are Drawn to Porn
When you desire to look at porn, it is because you take pleasure in porn more than you take pleasure in God and His glory. This is always the case.
It was C.S. Lewis who said, “Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.” But yet, “We are far too easily pleased [with other things].”
Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma
Our minds need to be renewed by God’s Word (Rom. 12:2). We need to meditate on and memorize Scripture so we can fight the temptation to look at porn with God’s truth (Ps. 119:11, Ps. 1).
Practical Tips to Avoid the Porn Trap
Every time you look at porn it is because you have the access, the time and the desire for it. Removing the access and time you have for porn right now will help you as you work on erasing your desire for it. The great hope we have as Christians is that through the power of the Gospel, you can get to a place in your life where you have access to porn, but no desire for it. Here are three steps to take:
1. Take radical measures to cut off all access to porn.
I highly recommend Covenant Eyes for this. Covenant Eyes is an accountability program with an optional web content filter. It tracks every website you visit and sends a Detailed Browsing Log to the person you choose as your Accountability Partner. I have it on every device I own!
2. Find a spiritually mature person of the same-sex to walk with you through this.
Find someone and open your heart to them. Tell them your struggles. Pray with them. Meet with them often. Remember, “The one isolates himself seeks his own desire and breaks out against all sound judgment” (Prov. 18:1).
3. Serve others.
If you are not already, become a member at a local church. Serve people there. Get involved and use the gifts God has given you to serve His church. Do it often. This will fill up your schedule and deplete the alone time you would have to be tempted by porn.
Once again, understand the power you have in the Gospel. God is for you in this battle. And remember, if He is for you, who could ever be against you? (Rom. 8:31).
Brad Merchant is the College Pastor at Liberty Baptist Church in Sweetser, IN. He is a frequent writer at www.bradmerchantblog.com. You can connect with Brad by following him on Twitter @brad_merchant
I have a bf who I’m madly in love with and he’s had a Porn Addiction for along time now and he’s done good not looking at it plus when he gets a cellphone I put a Porn block on it but what about WI-FI Can’t he look at it still if there’s free WI-FI ?? How do I block that to so he can’t view the stuff cause I’ve been hurt and Raped by porn and its ruined my life honestly and he’s done so we’ll please email me back I’d really appreciate it ALOT!!
Hey Kristin.
Well, I think the most important thing as far as blocking goes is that he takes responsibility for himself. You shouldn’t have to be worrying about this! It should be his job! And also, he needs to have some accountability in his life besides just you. Of course you should be able to talk with him about how he’s doing, and of course you should feel comfortable with his answers, but I think this dynamic of you feeling responsible for his behavior isn’t very healthy for you. And it’s probably not great for him either.
The thing I’m really concerned about, though, is your own personal healing journey. I’m so sad to hear of how you’ve been hurt and even raped as a result of porn use. I hope that you have been able to access some counseling resources for yourself. Certainly as a rape victim, you should be able to receive counseling services through local community resources such as a women’s shelter or Family Advocacy Center. A personal counselor who specializes in sexual abuse could be a good resource for you. And of course there are support groups which you should be able to find by runing a google search to see what’s available in your area. A group like S Anon might be helpful.
Whatever your boyfriend chooses, I hope you will choose healthy boundaries for yourself that reflect the true value and worth of YOU.
Blessings, Kay
Hi Kristin ! As a person who has battled alcohol and porn addiction and survived the Blended Family dynamics, I think time is very important in addictions. I can be “sober” or “free” but for how long? A day is a great start–so is a month, a year. Yet I have gone back before. I have recent sobriety of 8 years with porn. I guess I would want to date for at least 1-2 years and see the evidence of sobriety. I need men around me whom I can be honest with and accepting of me, giving me the space to fail. Yet I realized over years that when I went back to porn for whatever reason I felt worse afterward not better. It was a quick fix that brought pain and shame quickly after the initial fix. God has made us sexual beings. Sex was His idea but the enemy distorts it with all sorts or deceptions. Sex is the best when a man and woman connect spiritually, emotionally and mentally. When my wife and I are connecting on these levels then sex is wonderful and has God’s blessing. I think Kay’s advice is worth considering about getting counseling for yourself about the past rape to make sure you are healing over such an awful experience. Praying for you and your bf. Psalm 34:18 Steve
Kristin; counseling or support for you and your bf is critical! You cannot to this alone. God intended us to have emotional intimacy from more than a significant other. Your bf needs to have other men in his life that he can be transparent to and be accountable to. You should not have the responsibility of being his accountability partner. Knowing that he has other men to help him may bring you some peace and help relieve the stress and anxiety of worrying if he is sober or not. Kay gave good advice for you to seek help and support for yourself too. Please don’t sweep this under the rug and just move forward. It will negatively effect your relationship, your health and overall well being in the future if you do not address it and seek healing.
I will be praying for you and your bf.
Dann Aungst
RoadToPurity.com
Well said Brad;
3 critical keys : cut access to porn, accountability/support and be a gift of self to others. – I teach the same principals in my counseling.
Dann Aungst
Roadtopurity.com
I understand and know the grip of lust and pornography. We live in a culture saturated with sexual imagery and self-gratifications being met. There is no self-control in our culture, what we want we get, and at all cost. But we as Christians (born-again) have the ability and power to stand against something that has crippled and enslaved so many, to lead and show them the way out. I know victory is far all believers and though man has used technology for evil, God has also put into place men that have used it for good. Covenant Eyes is something God put into place so that we could counter the corrupt ways of man. I am blessed and grateful for Covenant Eyes and highly recommend it to all families and singles, like you pay for your insurance every month on your car, insure your heart and integrity by investing in Covenant Eyes, what has worked for many will and can work for you. Blessings