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Isolation: The Porn Addict’s Worst Enemy

Last Updated: September 20, 2015

Dan Wobschall

Dan serves as the Director of Gateway to Freedom, a 3-day intensive for men, and also serves as a Sexual Integrity and Recovery Mentor. Gateway to Freedom is a ministry of Be Broken Ministries. Dan speaks nationally on Sexual Integrity Leadership team. Prior to his engagement in ministry, Dan spent 32 years in public safety. He & his wife Julie have been married for 34 years and live in Orlando, Florida.

A man’s 30-year-long use of pornography had been discovered by his wife, and his oldest daughter was fighting for her life in the grips of an eating disorder.

After over 6 months of living like this, depression had a hold on him. Daily thoughts of running his car into a tree were common. Life was collapsing around him. Hopelessness set in.

He began to withdraw from everyone. Isolation had become a friend—or so he thought.

Isolation - The Porn Addict's Worst Enemy

Danger Zone

“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

Its clear that we were not created to live in isolation.

Isolation is the devils playground and fertile soil for lies to grow and bear bitter fruit. Without a rational person, a godly person, to speak into our lives, the ability to convince ourselves to dive deeper into pornography and beyond in sexual sin thrives.

Taking Thoughts Captive

Pornography is a great lie. It promises what it can never deliver, and like the serpent in the Garden, it deceives us into believing it is not harmful—in fact it can help our marriages and sex life. All deception.

This man described at the beginning of this article knows very well how true are the lies of Satan and dangers of living in isolation are.

I am that man.

If God recognizes isolation as not good and created a suitable helper for man, then that standard should be embraced, taught, and encouraged in our homes and lives of those we care about, starting with you and me.

This is especially true for those of us who wrestle with pornography, sexual sin, or any other destructive lifestyle.

Being isolated is wading in dangerous waters.

2 Corinthians 10:5 gives clear guidance on our thought life. “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (emphasis mine).

What we think about is critical in being equipped to handle periods of unavoidable isolation. God instructs us to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). Notice the passive tense—be transformed—which tells us the shaping or transforming of our mind is, in part, out of our hands.

This is the work of the Holy Spirit as we immerse our minds in the word of God. Pick up your Bible and read it. Abide in Him as He abides in you. Not complicated, but takes intentionality.

Take Action

Never being alone or isolated is quite practically impossible. James McDonald, Pastor of Harvest Bible Church, described his accountability as ‘no unaccounted for’ free time. In other words he is always accountable to someone.

My wife and I (as does Pastor MacDonald & his wife) have a free app on our smart phones that enable each of us to see where the other is at anytime. For me it’s a valuable level of accountability.

I travel and speak, so for Julie (my wife) to be able to see that I’m safe and where I should be is important—and I welcome it. For Julie, it gives her a sense of safety. She travels extensively for work and sometimes internationally. For her to know I can electronically watch over her safety and should her phone get lost or stolen, disable it or help her find it, is comforting to her.

If you’re a single person, then find a trusted friend you can build a level of accountability with. In those times where you know you are vulnerable to stumble, take steps to protect yourself.

In striving to live a pure life to honor God, it’s worth the eternal effort.

This is where having a sharp Sword of the Spirit handy and helpful verses memorized will reap benefits for your sanctifying journey.

Don’t Kid Yourself

Pastor Ricky Jenkins made this statement when speaking about isolation that I found to be incredibly accurate. He said this; “Being alone with the Savior (Jesus Christ) is good, but it’s dangerous in nearly all other situations.”

Pastor Jenkins also noted that the greatest men of the bible fell when they were alone. King David is the most commonly thought of as he stood alone on a rooftop and saw Bathsheba bathing. He was not where he should have been and his decisions made in the moment of isolation had profound and deadly consequences.

To think we are stronger or wiser than that, is foolishness.

Practical Steps to Combat Isolation

As children of the King, we are commanded to live pure lives. To be a maker of disciples, in particular in our homes, we must pursue purity in our lives. We cannot pass along to others that which we do not possess.

Paul gives us stern instruction in Colossians 3:5, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”

Here are a few steps you can implement today to minimize isolation:

  • For us married men, go to bed at the same time as your wife. If your not tired, then read your bible or use the time to open your journal and write.
  • Journaling your daily thoughts is a great way to clear our minds of thoughts that may lead us astray. It’s a form of taking thoughts captive to Christ.
  • Set up and accountability partner check in time during those times where being alone are unavoidable.
  • Download free tracking app to your and your spouses phone.
  • Have a shared calendar with your wife and accountability partner so your whereabouts are known. This may sound drastic, but freedom and rebuilding trust call for radical measures.
  • Begin and end your day with time in prayer and reading of the bible. Arm yourself with the sword of the Spirit. The Word of God.
  • Covenant Eyes accountability software on all your computers and smart devices. It’s an accountability partner that never sleeps or leaves your side.

Isolation is to be avoided. Our own minds can be our worst enemy. On the flip side of bad company corrupting good character, is good company building up good character. I think we all can use a daily dose of building up.

  • Comments on: Isolation: The Porn Addict’s Worst Enemy
    1. John Smith on

      I am dealing with porn addiction. I am 5 days clean. I am also struggling with loneliness. It’s hard for me to make friends. Please pray for me to find strength to free myself and develop social skills.

      Reply
      • Dan Wobschall on

        John, thank you for your comment and openness. Know I am and will be praying for you. If your connected to a church, reach out to a guy there you can trust. If not, begin looking for a solid bible teaching church. Praying for you John. Christ is always with you, never failing, never leaving you.

    2. Steve on

      Thanks for the article on isolation. I like James 5:16—-” Confess your faults one to another.” I confess my sins to my brother/s in Christ. I also want to show grace and compassion to other brothers in Christ. I want them to feel they can confess to me without me beating them down. I want to show mercy and when I start to isolate for any reason I reach out to my SA secular group or a brother is Christ who is a friend. Since the Apostle Paul talked about how he “felt the sentence of death ” In II Cor 1 there have been times when I was so discouraged that I did not want to go on. This is what the enemy wants. Reach out brothers and sisters–we need each other. Steve

      Reply

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