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Undefiled: Redemption from Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships (Book Review)

Last Updated: June 13, 2014

Guest Author
Guest Author

Want to write for the Covenant Eyes blog? Share the story of your journey to freedom from pornography. Let us know how you overcame porn or how Covenant Eyes has made a difference in your life or the lives of those you love.

Redemption (def.): The act of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil

Undefiled by Harry SchaumburgIt’s an unfortunate reality that very few couples, including Christian couples, are able to claim that their wedding night was their first sexual experience. We could dialogue about the many reasons this is the case, but the point is we are all in need of sexual redemption. In Undefiled, Schaumburg says, “To be spiritually mature, you must be sexually mature; to be sexually mature, you must be spiritually mature” (p. 15). Then he explains, “Sexual redemption begins at the cross, is rooted in a change of heart, and is lived out in a relationship before and after two sinners say ‘I do’” (p. 17).

Calling a Spade a Spade

I was reading Schaumburg’s book as I flew across the country for a speaking engagement and I fear I might have exclaimed, “YES!” and “Amen!” out loud a few times. I appreciate when an author addressing sexual sin calls it what it is—sin—and acknowledges that the source of healing is rooted in one’s relationship with Jesus. That’s true whether you are the one struggling with sexual sin or you are the spouse; Jesus is still the source of your healing.

Don’t Skip the Foundation

The first half of Undefiled is devoted to building a foundation for understanding the nature of the issue and setting the stage for sexual redemption. I don’t think I’m the only woman who has been tempted to skip to chapter 9 and jump in on the “fixing,” but though I was tempted, I didn’t do it.

I read all of the first 8 chapters and I’m so glad I did. Schaumburg’s thirty years of working in this field paired with rich, biblical truths prepares the reader for genuine redemption of sexual sin and restoration of broken relationships in the second half of the book.

No Excuses for Sin

Proverbs 4:23 instructs believers to, “Guard your heart above all else for it is the source of life.” Schaumburg writes that sin is the result of not letting God be God. God desires to bring real change to our hearts, so through the Holy Spirit He convicts us, showing us that we’ve tried to be our own god—and look where that’s landed us!

Schaumburg doesn’t mince words; he calls men to a higher standard—no excuses. (Thank you for that, Harry!) To those who claim they didn’t have a good role model growing up, he says, “You are a man! Christ is your role model. So quit whining, be a man, and get on with it” (p. 132). He repeatedly points men to sound doctrine because without spiritual maturity no sexual maturity can occur.

He not only calls men to a higher standard, he calls wives to a higher standard as well. Schaumburg directs women to listen to the “Right Voice” as opposed to that of the enemy and the world, which would advise differently than God advises. He reminds women that God has a good plan for them and that even in the midst of marital unfaithfulness, God is teaching us about Himself and godliness.

Highly Recommend this Book

I have read countless books on the subject of sexual sin, but very few have I been as enthusiastic to encourage wounded couples to read as I do Undefiled. When you are facing the darkest days of your marriage, what you need most are people and resources that point you to the only One who can shine Light into your marriage and heal your broken hearts. I highly recommend that you read Undefiled: Redemption from Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships.

Dr. Schaumburg is the founder of Stone Gate Resources, a counseling ministry offering brief intensive counseling. The ministry specializes in the treatment of adultery, pornography and all forms of sexual sin through Biblical Intensive Counseling. It is this pioneering program that has drawn over 3000 laity and clergy from the U.S. and eighteen foreign countries.

vicki-tiedeVicki Tiede is the author of When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography. She is a Bible teacher and conference speaker. Vicki is a wife, homeschooling mom, and the coordinator of women’s ministries in her local church. Vicki holds Master’s degrees in Ministry and in Education.

  • Comments on: Undefiled: Redemption from Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships (Book Review)
    1. Angela Barselaar

      Although Covenant Eyes has many excellent resources & articles I find it EXTREMELY frustrating that next to nothing is geared to women having sexual struggles. In this day & age many women struggle with pornography & other sexual challenges. It seems that 99% of the resources are related to men’s issues.It is soon going to be 2014 & times have changed! Women need help too. Thanks for the opportunity to vent.
      God bless what you do. Perhaps the resources could just include more articles that pertain to women.

    2. I am struggling with pornography in my marriage. Even though my husband was single for ten years, and he viewed this material. He did it close to us being married, I will always feel like he betrayed me, i thought he was the exception to many men, being he is loving, content, and empathetic, and my best friend, and since he has givin it up. But, I still find myself infatuated with catching possibly catching him again. He is also frustrated with me as well i can deeply tell, because I still bring this up consistently… It seems I just cant waite for him to break my heart again. I will again say, he is a wonderful man he said that was only an old habit, I find myself controlling due to this, blocking computer and phone.. I have been in relationships where this would never end. And i fear I will eventually push him away for good, Anyone HELP??

      • Dawn, I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. These are legitimate concerns. You are normal. ;) My prayer would be that your husband would have sought help for the 10 years of pornography use and not assumed that it will just go away magically once the two of married. That’s not how it works. So, first, let’s pray for healing for him. But the bottom line is that you are only responsible for your choices and he’s responsible for his. You can’t control his daily choices, nor can you influence him. That’s a Holy Spirit issue. You CAN seek healing for your wounded heart … and it IS wounded. I could write a ton of information to help you here, but instead I’m going to point you to my book. (I know that may seem self-serving, but I can’t really put everything here that’s in the book. ;)) You can get it here. It’s called, “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.” It sounds like you may still have some wounds from past relationships too. God can take the broken pieces of a woman’s heart and make something beautiful out of them. You might find more information on my website too … http://www.vickitiede.com. Blessings to you.

    3. Marilyn

      I highly recommend “Undefiled” too, and in attending Dr. Schaumburg’s conference in Port Washington, Wisconsin. My husband and I went last summer. Just be prepared to be in a Biblical support and accountability group when you get back home too.

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