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My Journey from Porn to Personal Accountability

Last Updated: May 8, 2014

Guest Author

Want to write for the Covenant Eyes blog? Share the story of your journey to freedom from pornography. Let us know how you overcame porn or how Covenant Eyes has made a difference in your life or the lives of those you love.

When I first purchased a smart phone, my wife was scared…and rightly so. I had a history of viewing pornography on television and on video. I had even viewed pornography several times on our laptop computer. My wife had placed a password on our laptop, which restricted my access to the Internet. But now, with my Android phone, I could access the Internet (and everything on it) anytime, anywhere. This terrified my dear wife.

Well, the fears of my wife were justified. With the World Wide Web literally at my fingertips, I found plenty of unsavory images and videos to consume. My use of mobile Internet was not exemplary, to say the least. My wife would find me, in the middle of the night, browsing the mobile Web. She would always ask (afraid to hear the answer) what I had been looking at. There were those times when I had viewed something completely innocuous. But there were those other times too…times when my viewing material was anything but innocent.

My wife was scared, and her fear was well founded. My shame was well founded too. I did not enjoy being a slave to my own fleshly impulses. I felt increasing shame (and like a total failure) each time I viewed something inappropriate on my phone. But I just didn’t seem to have the strength to keep my integrity alone.

Finding Internet Accountability

Finally, I had failed enough. I prayed to God, asking for His forgiveness and His help. I searched the Web for internet filtering services, and I found Covenant Eyes. Immediately I purchased the monitoring service for my smart phone and I made my wife the first Accountability Partner.

I sat my wife down, and I explained to her what the Covenant Eyes service is all about:

  • Nothing I view on my phone would be restricted. Everything would be monitored.
  • She, as my Partner, would receive regular reports by e-mail. All of my Internet activity would be included.
  • I would have access to online support, in the form of articles, blogs, and audio/video segments.
  • Most importantly, the service is founded on the Biblical principle of personal integrity…to God, to my spouse, and to me.

Needless to say, my wife was completely on board. She was more than glad to be my Accountability Partner. And, of course, she was very supportive of my decision to get a grip on my use of the Internet.

Internet Accountability Builds Trust

Every three days my wife gets an Internet Accountability Report. And every three days, we have a brief talk. What’s beautiful is this: in our talks, the very subject which used to cause fear, weakness, and humiliation now promotes emotional security, strength, and personal pride!

As I compose this testimonial, it has been 52 days since I activated the Covenant Eyes service on my phone…and 52 days that I have kept my personal integrity online. That is a small victory, but it is a victory. It has been a long time since I have had even a month of complete integrity in my use of the Web!

I am grateful to God, and I am very grateful to Covenant Eyes. Personal Internet accountability has brought pride and peace to our home. Personal accountability has helped us to move from fear to freedom.

– Anonymous E-mail to Covenant Eyes