2 minute read

4 Myths About Porn Use

Last Updated: February 20, 2014

Lisa Eldred

Lisa Eldred is the Educational Content Strategist at Covenant Eyes, and has 10 years of experience in researching and writing about porn addiction and recovery. She has authored numerous blog posts and ebooks, including More Than Single, Hobbies and Habits, and New Fruit, which was co-authored with Crystal Renaud Day. Her writing about faith and fandoms can be found at Love Thy Nerd.

myths about porn“All men look at porn, so it’s no big deal.”

“Sex is so much better if you look at porn.”

“There’s no difference between porn and any other movie. It’s all just entertainment.”

Maybe you’ve heard some of these statements. If you’re a wife, maybe you’ve even heard them from your own husband. In reality, these are lies that porn watchers often use to justify their behavior.

Here are some of the common myths about porn use…and the reality they try to hide.

Myth: Using porn is common, and that makes it okay.

Fact: Pornography use is common. It’s estimated that 1 in 8 Internet searches are for erotic content.

However, this does not make it morally okay. As William Struthers explains in his book Wired for Intimacy, “Just because something is a cultural norm does not make it morally right or wrong, good or evil.”  In fact, our society deliberately values women for more than just reproductive capabilities. Pornography, however, leads to the objectification of women as sexual objects, which actually makes it culturally reprehensible.

Myth: There’s no difference between pornography and art.

Fact: The motives behind artists and pornographers are almost always different. In art, men and women are portrayed as people, whereas in pornography, they are objects for lust. Struthers explains, “Pornography degrades and dehumanizes. Art celebrates the meaning and value of sexual intimacy between two individuals.”

Myth: Pornography helps spice up your sex life.

Fact: Porn actually decreases sexual satisfaction. Porn and masturbation enable people to gratify themselves, instead of finding fulfillment with another person. Porn makes reality extremely boring.

Eventually, many men get to the point where they can no longer perform without imagining themselves in a pornographic situation. Dr. Judith Reisman explains, “If [a man] can’t make love to his beloved, if he has to imagine a scene in order to actually achieve the heights of completion with this person, then he’s no longer with his own power, is he? He has been stripped, he has been hijacked, he has been emasculated, he has in effect been hijacked by Playboy or Penthouse or any of the materials that followed.”

Myth: Watching porn isn’t the same as cheating.

Fact: Pornography enables people to find physical satisfaction outside their married relationships. Dr. Phil says, “It is an insult, it is disloyal, and it is cheating.” Ella Hutchinson, a Licensed Professional Counselor, adds, “He is receiving sexual gratification from other women. In my mind, that is infidelity.”

Bonus Myth for Wives: It’s your fault he watches porn.

Fact: Often men have the tendency to blame-shift, claiming that if you were prettier or thinner or more open to sex or less of a nag, that they wouldn’t need to turn to the fantasy that pornography provides. Even if men don’t say these things, their wives will often wonder such things about themselves. Often wives will tie their own self-worth to their husbands’ opinions of them. In Partners: Healing from His Addiction, Dr. Doug Weiss explains that a drop in self-esteem is common after a betrayal.

If your husband is telling you such things, he is trying to rationalize and justify his desire for porn by shifting the blame to you. By blaming you, he protects himself from shame and avoids any suggestion he is not adequate. If he is not ready to take responsibility for his own behavior, “he will say anything to convince you, and even himself, that he does not have a problem. Blaming you is an easy way to save face,” explains Hutchinson.

You could be the most beautiful, supportive woman in the world and he’d still turn to porn. Remember, even Tiger Woods cheated on his supermodel wife.

  • Comments on: 4 Myths About Porn Use
    1. Jeff Fenske on

      Lisa,

      Your first point is very important, but knowing it’s wrong and not okay is still not enough to stop most guys — because they’re being taught the lie that they’ll go to heaven no matter what. But this is the opposite of what the Bible teaches, and what the Holy Spirit showed me in a dream that I share in the article, below. Many would stop if they only understood the truth about who really goes to heaven. jesus warned us….

      Also, I have to disagree about your point #2. Guys lust viewing nude bodies whether they’re portrayed as art or as overt porn. If guys say they aren’t, it’s most likely they’re not telling the truth. Lying is another sin that will keep us out of heaven: Revelation 21:8.

      My article, which no one can refute, but most pastors won’t preach the truth. Most pastors are probably lusting, themselves. Jesus specifically warned us that looking at a woman to lust after her is committing adultery in our hearts, and it’s better to cut out our eye than to lose their whole body in Hell. And this was emphasized in a dream that I had, which I explain here:

      Who-Goes-To-Heaven Scriptures — Narrow is the Way | Who are the Children of God?

      http://onecanhappen.wordpress.com/2008/01/14/who-goes-to-heaven-scriptures

      Reply
      • Lisa Eldred on

        Hi Jeff,

        You’re right. Knowing porn is wrong doesn’t stop most men, and often art that involves nudity does incite lust (if not always). My point, however, was simply to tell wives that these are lies their husbands may tell them to justify their use of porn, and to expose them for the lies they are.

    2. Brad on

      Some good insights here. However, there is some truth to the fact that when a wife emotionally abuses her husband by using sex as a reward or weapon for desired behavior, men will turn to fantasy and masturbation because it’s so easy to access. To suggest that pornography in a marriage is only the husband’s problem is to be both naive and a little sexist. I always counsel THE COUPLE in these situations, not just the man. There is usually greater success in overcoming porn addictions when the wife’s behavior in the marriage is also addressed, owned, and fixed.

      Reply
      • Luke Gilkerson on

        I agree. I also don’t think the article suggests that pornography is only the husband’s problem. Maybe I missed that here. What gives you that impression?

      • just on

        Everyone takes actions, everyone has to be accountable for their actions. Eve gave Adam the apple. Adam didn’t have to eat it! The world wants us to believe that sin is Eve’s fault yet God doesn’t see it that way. God punished Eve but he holds Adam to a higher accountability.

        Have you ever noticed in the Bible that when a man turns to God his whole household follows?

        Man has to be accountable for his sins in marriage and usually the woman will follow. Turn that around with the woman leading, the man doesn’t follow. No matter how good of a wife she is, if he’s addicted to porn and doesn’t want the help he will continue to be addicted to pron for the rest of his life!

    3. chris on

      Plain and simple. A man shouldn’t watch porn because it is wrong… regardless of whether he is suffering because of a neglectful wife.

      But his responsibility does NOT give wives a blank check to be sexually unavailable to her husband. A wife who has is chronically indifferent to her husband’s pleasure doesn’t need to take the blame for porn, but she is also sinning in a big way!

      God made men with higher sex drives. Sex is part of a wife’s love for her husband. Your last “myth” reads more like a talking point from a feminist blog than a religious understanding of marital sexuality.

      Reply
    4. Roberta on

      I understand that men have a higher sex drive than a woman. For years I tried to cope with the fact that my spouse seemed to prefer porn and masturbation. I continued to have a physical relationship with him for years and then it got to the point where I just could not even stand him to touch me. Submit does not mean let him have himself whenever he wants and then submit to him whenever he wants. God does not expect me to do that. When my husband does what he does his body becomes totally his own and becomes unable to share in a normal physical way with his wife. Simple concept.

      Reply
      • Kay Bruner on

        You get to have healthy boundaries! YES!! Here, here and here are some articles to help you support your boundaries.

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