Rebuild Your Marriage april and darren
Rebuild Your Marriage 1 minute read

Dealing with Porn in a Marriage: Darren and April’s Story (Part 1 of 3)

Last Updated: February 20, 2014

Covenant Eyes Radio – Episode 126

[powerpress]

Today we are playing the first part of our interview with Darren and April Mabrey.

Four years into their marriage, April found pornography on Darren’s computer. At the time Darren was attending seminary in training to be a minister. April shares for us the pain of that first discovery and the cycle of sin and discovery that continued for years, eventually leading to April leaving Darren.

Darren also shares his thoughts on what kept him so trapped in pornography and what will bring guys who are trapped in this sin to the breaking point.

Listen to Part 2 and Part 3

For more information visit DarrenMabrey.com.

Music for today’s podcast is “There is a Curse” by The Difficulty
Listen to more Covenant Eyes Radio on iTunes.
Comments on: Dealing with Porn in a Marriage: Darren and April’s Story (Part 1 of 3)
  1. Good see more support for couples on this issure. Sometimes, too many times, the help for the partner and lacking or inadequate. The hope and recovery is more successful when both get the help and support they need, Breaking Free is one of the best Christian books on sex addiction. I use it for my support groups.

  2. A

    Starting to haaaaate my partner of 23yrs 3children later. I see him as a dirty old man. I was 15 he was 30. I felt sooo special as he listened not just heard everything I said. He took part in our (now realise my) conversations. Made me feel sooo special,important only beautiful smart lady for him. Told me of dreams of amazing oral satisfaction without a face must b me I’m told. Well when he got wasted on Valium he said certain things that opened my eyes n destroyed me. He keeps telling me I’m the only fridgit bitch who thinks porn is dirty sinful window shopping. If I need better curtains I’ll look in a shop for an idea. Same thing. Since I’ve founded out about theporn ( no effort needed just take not share) I have trouble feeling sexy let alone pretty enough to b loved or desired. He is sooo cold hearted n selfish doesn’t have time to hear me or give me unless its negative.. In which case I’m told its my fault I made him do it. I need to feel loved n special, at least to him.. HELP ME/US!! Our relationship n family is disintegrating. I love him sooooo much but every hour of every day I’m dying bit by bit. I try to discuss it to be told what’s wrong with you your the only bitch who has a problem or get told shutup I don’t want to hear it.

    • Kay Bruner

      Hey there.

      Well, it sounds like your relationship got off to an unhealthy start, frankly. A 30 year old having a sexual relationship with a 15 year old is called statutory rape. A child, by law, cannot consent. So to me, professionally speaking, it sounds like an abusive relationship from the beginning.

      I would encourage you to find a counselor who can help you process your situation, and consider what healthy boundaries will look like for you. Here and here are a couple of articles on boundaries.

      Of course you need to feel loved and special. You ARE loved and special! Your life should reflect that! Whether or not your husband is capable of expressing that truth and reality? I don’t know. At this point, it sounds like he doesn’t do that. Maybe he can learn, but he will need to do some serious work and make big changes. I don’t know if he’s willing. That means you might have to make some tough choices.

      When you feel like you’re dying bit by bit in a relationship, that is often a sign that the person you’re married to has serious problems that prevent him from interacting in healthy ways. Of course that is painful and terrible for you! A marriage should be life-giving, not death-bringing, to your spirit.

      In a healthy relationship, you should be able to bring up difficult things, you should be able to talk about how you’re feeling, and your partner should be interested in listening and he should care about your pain. When you try to have those conversations and you’re met with verbal abuse, then your partner has problems which he needs to resolve.

      This sounds like a terribly painful place to be. I’m so, so sorry. But I also want you to know that there is hope, there is healing, and there are people who will love and support you in a way that reflects your value as a person. I hope you’ll reach out to a counselor today.

      Peace to you, Kay

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related in Rebuild Your Marriage

Editor's Picks

Phil Robertson discussing The Blind with Covenant Eyes.

Rebuild Your Marriage

4 Reasons You Should Watch “The Blind”

The Covenant Eyes Podcast team recently made the trip DEEP into the…

4 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A mother with her teenage daughters.

Rebuild Your Marriage

How Porn Shattered My Life: A Betrayed Partner’s Perspective

I was 36, married for 15 years, serving in our Church, attending…

5 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A picture of Dave and Ashley Willis.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Porn Counterfeits Naked Marriage: With Dave and Ashley Willis

What is “naked marriage” all about? We sat down with popular podcasters…

3 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Rebuild Your Marriage

4 Words of Wisdom From Al and Lisa Robertson

What does the famous Duck Dynasty Clan have to say to Covenant…

3 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A couple sitting on a porch balcony.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Why Boundaries in Porn Recovery Are Challenging

“To the extent that we can’t control something we don’t like, we…

4 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

calm looking man embracing his wife

Rebuild Your Marriage

Can the Husband of a Porn Addict Experience Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma affects many people, especially the spouses of porn addicts. We…

8 minute read

Read Post

Related in Rebuild Your Marriage

Phil Robertson discussing The Blind with Covenant Eyes.

Rebuild Your Marriage

4 Reasons You Should Watch “The Blind”

The Covenant Eyes Podcast team recently made the trip DEEP into the…

The Covenant Eyes Podcast team recently made the trip DEEP into the heart of Louisiana to meet with Phil and Kay Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame, and to talk about their new movie, The Blind.…

4 minute read

0 comments

A mother with her teenage daughters.

Rebuild Your Marriage

How Porn Shattered My Life: A Betrayed Partner’s Perspective

I was 36, married for 15 years, serving in our Church, attending…

I was 36, married for 15 years, serving in our Church, attending life group and sending our girls to a Christian school to help raise them in the ways of the Lord. I thought pornography…

5 minute read

0 comments

A picture of Dave and Ashley Willis.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Porn Counterfeits Naked Marriage: With Dave and Ashley Willis

What is “naked marriage” all about? We sat down with popular podcasters…

What is “naked marriage” all about? We sat down with popular podcasters Dave and Ashley Willis to find out, and we learned an important message about God’s design for sex and how porn counterfeits it.…

3 minute read

0 comments

Rebuild Your Marriage

4 Words of Wisdom From Al and Lisa Robertson

What does the famous Duck Dynasty Clan have to say to Covenant…

What does the famous Duck Dynasty Clan have to say to Covenant Eyes? We wanted to know, so our podcast team sat down with Al and Lisa Robertson to talk about their shows and other…

3 minute read

0 comments

A couple sitting on a porch balcony.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Why Boundaries in Porn Recovery Are Challenging

“To the extent that we can’t control something we don’t like, we…

“To the extent that we can’t control something we don’t like, we fear it.” – John Z., Grace in Addiction Early recovery is monumentally difficult. Not only are porn addicts trying to achieve sobriety, but…

4 minute read

3 comments

calm looking man embracing his wife

Rebuild Your Marriage

Can the Husband of a Porn Addict Experience Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma affects many people, especially the spouses of porn addicts. We…

Betrayal trauma affects many people, especially the spouses of porn addicts. We hear much about the betrayal trauma experienced by wives. Entire ministries have been organized to support wives of those struggling with pornography. But…

8 minute read

0 comments