Shortly after my book, No More Hiding, No More Shame: Freedom from Pornography Addiction was released, I was approached by a television reporter who was doing a series on addiction. The series is called “Addiction Wars.” The segment I was featured in is called “Sex: The New Crack?” We taped the episode in my living room.
It was pretty surreal to have a film crew on location in my house interviewing me (nobody special) about such an important subject. I was sure that the hour-long interview would be pared down to just a few minutes so I wanted make sure that I answered every question with conviction and honesty. I prayed that God would use the interview to reach others who, like me, were trapped in pornography addiction.
The reporter asked me one question that didn’t make it into the finished interview. I’d like to share it with you here. She asked me, “Why did you find it necessary to write a book about such a personal subject?”
My answer was the same answer I’ve given to many people who asked me that question before and since my book hit the stores. In short, I wrote the book because I wanted and needed to be accountable to everyone. After throwing away so many years of my life, my marriage, my family and my ministry on porn, I don’t ever want to go back there. I need accountability. That’s why I asked my wife to install accountability software on all of our Internet-capable devices. That’s why I asked my wife to password-protect the cable televisions in our home. That’s why I assembled a group of men that I meet with on a regular basis for accountability.
I need accountability.
Without these measures, I know that I would be vulnerable to relapse. I’m only going to be as successful in my recovery from sex and porn addiction as the steps I take to protect my eyes and my mind from pornography. If I’m serious about my recovery and wanting to live a holy life, then I had better do everything possible maintain my sexual integrity. To let any area of my life remain vulnerable is tantamount to planning my own relapse.
Relapse isn’t a one-time slip-up. If we’re honest with ourselves, every addict knows when he has taken a side trip from the road to recovery and is heading for a relapse. Like recovery, relapse is a process. The first step toward relapse is letting down your guard on what you allow your eyes to see. This is why accountability software is so important. Without it, the temptation to look at Internet pornography would be too great for me to resist. Accountability software like Covenant Eyes evens the playing field for those of us who are addicted to porn.
Yep, that’s right, accountability software merely evens the playing field in an unfair fight.
For thousands of years the only woman a man ever saw naked was his own wife. That all changed with the introduction of photography, full-color printing and of course, the Internet. In my television interview, I mentioned the considerable risk that one had to take in buying pornography from a store. The Internet changed all that when it began streaming pornography right to into our homes. Dr. Mary Ann Layton of the University of Pennsylvania calls the Internet “the perfect delivery system for porn addiction.” It’s like a heroine addict with a heroine IV. The Internet delivers pornography right to our desktops 24/7 and it does it anonymously and confidentially.
It’s not a fair fight. No, it’s not even close.
If you struggle with porn addiction, don’t try to fight the battle alone. Install accountability software on your computer or computers. Have your spouse or someone you trust protect your cable TV. Join a men’s accountability group. Find a Christian 12 Step Recovery group in your area. There are many to choose from. I strongly recommend Celebrate Recovery for its Bible-based curriculum and worship-based recovery program. I am affiliated with a new program called “MRI: Men Restoring Integrity.” The program is similar to Every Man’s Battle but is regional so as to affect better follow-up care and accountability. For more information on these programs, please visit my website or write to me at brentmcnamara@comcast.net.
Brent McNamara earned a B.S. in Bible-Pastoral Studies from Philadelphia Biblical University and is currently pursuing his M. Div. at Philadelphia Biblical University. He is Pastor of Connection at Crossbridge Community Church in Woolwich, New Jersey. Brent also facilitates a Celebrate Recovery 12-Step recovery group.