Covenant Eyes Podcast – Episode 14
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Back in 2002, while working as a worship leader at a church, Chris Beall confessed to committing adultery and to a deeply rooted pornography addiction.
In today’s portion of the interview Cindy Beall will talk about how she came to forgive Chris for his infidelity.
Chris will also give advice to husbands about how accountability can help to rebuild a wife’s trust. Chris will talk about how using Covenant Eyes and other accountability measures strengthened their marriage.
For more information, read Cindy’s testimony on her blog.
What do you do when the efforts to “rebuild” are being done but seem as though they are a burden to him to do. i.e., He offers to take certain measures, i.e., says he’ll check-in or take someone along with him on road jobs (not travel alone anymore), but it’s sometimey, he forgets, does last minute scheduling or communicates at the last minute that he even has a road job or it’s just coming across to me as burdensome to him to do. Is this HIM really “building trust?” I don’t feel it is, but when I express my disappointment in his forgetfullness I’m reminded to remember the timnes he did since this is all new to him. H’s says he’s not being defensive but I see it that he is being defensive when the effort in ths very delicate matter is seeming to be taken lightly…
Broken-hearted Wife
Jennifer, you are right to suspect the genuineness of his repentance. Based on your response to part 2 of this series, it does appear he has been brought low, and that humility has grabbed his attention, but his response suggests he has yet to hit bottom.
Genuine, broken, humble repentance leaves no room for pride and rejects any sense of entitlement. Genuine repentance cares more about the people we have harmed than what we have lost. Genuine repentance is neither self-centered nor self-interested; genuine repentance cares more about relieving the pain caused to others and restoring broken trust.
While it is true that new skills require practice, and sometimes involve failure, the attitude is one of empathy, compassion, humility, which is reflected in a sincere asking for help.
Jennifer, I would say you both need expert guidance through this difficult time. He may need in-patient help, perhaps with Pure Life Ministries. Breaking Free (this blog) also has many articles and resources for spouses of porn addicts.
Don’t try to do this alone. You need support, beginning with a daily reminder that his sin is not your fault, and his recovery is not your responsibility.
The Lord loves you, and He will bring you through this.
I ask other readers to join me in prayer that the Lord will place the right people in Jennifer’s path, people who will help her personally and expertly through this terrible ordeal.