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Why we talk about sex

Last Updated: July 30, 2021

Luke Gilkerson
Luke Gilkerson

Luke Gilkerson has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies and an MA in Religion. He is the author of Your Brain on Porn and The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality. Luke and his wife Trisha blog at IntoxicatedOnLife.com

I found this video on a church website and thought immediately of Breaking Free.

In a recent guest post by Shannon Ethridge she encourages wives not to let pornography rob their marriages of the joy of sex. Some women, she claims, will withhold or limit sex if their husbands are looking at porn. Some women do this as a way to punish their husbands. Others limit sexual experimentation in the bedroom because they don’t want to remind their husbands of the latest porno flick. Others simply don’t want to be compared to the airbrushed porn stars, so they make love with the lights out and get it over with as quickly as possible.

The purpose of Shannon’s post was to encourage women not to let pornography rob their marriage of the rich intimacy that God wants for them. We received an interesting comment about this post:

One commentator believed that the post was too graphic and could cause men to lust. She went so far as to say that the post itself was pornographic.

Erotic Love and the Bible

Far be it from us to drag someone’s mind through the gutter. It is our goal to encourage and help individuals struggling with or affected by Internet pornography addiction. This blog deals with sexual topics because it is important to paint a healthy, godly, and fulfilling picture of marital sex for our readers rather than just talk about the dark side of lust and pornography.

Dr. Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, states,

“Christians have no right to be embarrassed when it comes to talking about sex and sexuality. An unhealthy reticence or embarrassment in dealing with these issues is a form of disrespect to God’s creation. Whatever God made is good, and every good thing God made has an intended purpose that ultimately reveals His own glory. When conservative Christians respond to sex with ambivalence or embarrassment, we slander the goodness of God and hide God’s glory which is intended to be revealed in the right use of creation’s gifts.”

The prophets of the Old Testament were frank when it came to sexual imagery (Ezekiel 16:25-27, 23:18–21, Proverbs 5:18-20), but they were not crass or crude. We hope we can emulate their example on this blog. The Song of Solomon, another surprising jewel in God’s Word, is incredibly explicit when it comes to marital intimacy and painting a picture of erotic love. I believe it is the intention of such literature to whet our appetite for the beauty of marital sex, not the filth of pornography.

Dr. Douglas Roseanau, a licensed psychologist and Christian sex therapist, writes about the real meaning of erotic love in his book A Celebration of Sex:

“Sex is an erotic celebration! Not the shallow Hollywood recreational concept of eroticism with no depth of values. Eros, the Greek word for sexual love, includes the idea of fusion, passion, attraction, and bonding. Erotic love is getting lost in someone’s eyes. Erotic love is mental imagery, anticipation, playfulness, ambiance, and lovers physically enjoying each other.” (p.10)

What Lust Is, What It Isn’t

Whether you are married or single, male or female, our desire is not to cause anyone to lust. Joshua Harris has said that lust is “craving sexually what God has forbidden,” wrongly directing a good, God-given desire. It is not a sin to crave good, healthy marital sex. It is sin to treat this desire as more important than God, and thus not obey His word in pursuing this desire. While sexual thoughts may enter our thoughts, we do not have to let these thoughts lead us to sin. With dependence on Christ and His Spirit, we can put our desire for sex in its proper place.

  • Comments on: Why we talk about sex
    1. thanks !! very helpful post!

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