There is much good that can be said of Daniel Lohrmann’s book, Virtual Integrity, but his phrase “Surf Your Values” really sets the book heads-and-shoulders above the rest. This book goes beyond “Internet safety” jargon and gets to the heart of how to use the Internet responsibly and productively.

Lohrmann is just one of many voices speaking and writing about Internet integrity. He is an internationally recognized Internet and computer security expert, recently named as a Public Official of the Year and Chief Security Officer of the Year. He is also a committed Christian husband and father.

What does it mean to surf your values?

Seven Habits of Online Integrity

“I’d like to offer you seven habits to faithfully navigate the brave new Web, which will hopefully become regular practices in your life. One goal of this list is to establish a basic framework for individuals to surf their values. . . . These are action-oriented disciplines that strive to be “non-techie,” easy to understand, and flexible to implement based upon need.” (Daniel Lohrmann)

Lohrmann speaks of seven habits that will help us to gain the greatest benefits out of the Internet while avoiding the pitfalls. Over the next few weeks we will be talking about these habits one by one.

There are many values to approaching Internet safety through these habits:

1. Lohrmann’s approach is holistic. It is not just about Internet safety, but about getting to the heart of why we do the things we do, why we surf the way we surf.
2. Lohrmann’s approach is dynamic. This is not an easy quick-fix to cyber dangers; however, these habits are very adaptable to anyone who chooses to use them.
3. Lohtmann’s approach is relational. Online integrity is not just about how individuals behave but how healthy community can help us maximize our online experience.

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“Lohrmann reminds us that integrity on the Internet involves more than purchasing a family friendly filter. He wisely connects virtual with embodied reality, challenges us to ‘surf our values,’ and then packs his book with practical ways to do just that. This book inspires and empowers us to bring every corner of our virtual world under the Lordship of Christ.”
- Michael Wittmer, Grand Rapids Theological Seminary -

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“This book is a great education tool that takes a unique look at the personal responsibility required of all of us as we utilize the power of the Internet. The book provides perspective, not just about security, but also about our role in the new world of using the Web as a tool for communicating, collaborating, creating, and utilizing information. Dan Lohrmann provides practical steps to address the concerns of parents, educators, government officials, and community leaders.”
- Teri Takai, chief information officer, State of California -

Stay tuned for more on the seven habits of online integrity . . .

David Powlison talking about the process of recovery from addiction

Tim Lane giving a final address about how we open our churches to those struggling with addictions of various kinds

The Gettys lead 2000 conference attendees in worship

For more photos from the confernece, go to Flickr.

What does it mean that we have “not even a hint” of sexual impurity among us? How do we live this way in a highly sensualized culture? How do we win the battle for sexual holiness?

This month our theme on Breaking Free will be “Not Even A Hint.” Each Monday we’ll be highlighting a sermon by a well-known and gifted Bible teacher centering on this text in Ephesians 5.

This week: John Piper, “The Enthronement of Desire”

This message was preached on October 26, 1986, at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In this message John Piper does a careful job explaining the specific sexual sins mentioned in Ephesians 5, and then explains how Paul motivates his readers to put off these sins. Piper calls us to put off the deep, dominating cravings that drive us to these impurities, and to live lives enthralled in thanksgiving and wonder.

Click here to listen to his message.

John Piper is the Pastor for Preaching at Bethlehem Baptist Church. He earned his B.D. from Fuller Theological Seminary and his D.Th. from the University of Munich. Piper is the author of more than 30 books and is the dominant preaching voice behind the ministry of Desiring God.

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Much of the conference has been spent talking about the first part of CCEF’s mission statement: “Restoring Christ to Counseling.” Tim Lane’s talk was about the second part of that statement: “. . . and Counseling to the Church.”

After all this talk about how we restore the gospel to a primary place in our counseling, we turn to the topic of how we make the church a place where this kind of counseling in the context of the local church. How do we make the church the default place where the addict goes for help?

Consider the atmosphere of a group like Alcoholics Anonymous. When a recovering alcoholic travels to a different city, he might make a call to his sponsor to find out where the local chapter of AA is. Why? Because the recovering addict has come to depend on the AA community for his continued sobriety and success in the struggle. Can the church become this kind of place?

Paul writes in Ephesians 5:18-21,

“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Paul is in the midst of a series of metaphors and descriptions of the church community, and here he speaks of it as a place where drunkenness is replaced with sobriety. In contrast of a life of drunkenness, where we have allowed our addictive substances and activities to master us, instead we are to let the Spirit continually fill us. The church is a community of individuals who can say, “I’m wide awake, wide awake. I’m not sleeping” (to quote U2).

What are the marks and and stimulatives of this new lifestyle of being filled by the Spirit of God?

1. A Church that Speaks

We are called to be continually “addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.” As we live together in community, the church is to be a place trafficking in conversations, a place to be heard and to hear. Our churches should be places of honest evaluation, even in the midst of sinful relapses.

As we learn to grow in grace, each disappointment, each relapse, each struggle to remain “sober” from our addictive tendencies, become redemptive opportunities, occasions for the goodness of the gospel to shine even brighter.

2. A Church that Sings

We need to become a community that worships. Paul calls us to live in a community where we are continually “singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart.” This means when we live in community that helps us to reorient ourselves vertically, towards our Father in heaven.

Sin is, at its root, a worship disorder. We don’t just spontaneously become angry, bitter, lustful, prideful people. These sins manifest themselves after moments, minutes, or days of quietly giving ourselves to false gods. Our addictions are not born in a vacuum. They surface as addictions only because we are addicted to ourselves: we have chosen to worship ourselves rather than God.

We worship ourselves into sin; we must worship ourselves out of it. The body of Christ does this together as we become a place where idol worshipers reorient themselves to worshiping the true God in all His glory.

3. A Church that Gives Thanks

Paul also calls us to a community of “giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” This is a call to radical contentment and gratitude. The community of Christ is to be a place where, in the moments of our lives, we can look at each person’s failures and successes, sufferings and pleasures, tragedies and celebrations as sovereign circumstances being used by God to conform us to the image of Christ. Because of this we can truly be thankful for everything that comes along in our lives.

4. A Church that Submits

This is one of the big evidences that the Spirit is at work. The last mark of the Spirit-filled life is when we are “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Do we live in a teachable community? Are we listening to one another? Do we know one another well enough to be able to speak with wisdom, encouragement, and correction?

The local church can become a place where people humbly open themselves up to the Spirit of God and allow Him to fill their hearts. Together, as we become a speaking, singing, thankful, and mutually submissive community, we will be a church filled with Spirit-filled believers.

A life filled with wine only leads to “debauchery.” This is the same word used to describe the reckless life of the prodigal son on his journey from home (Luke 15). When he finally came to his senses and came home, what prevented him from returning to that addicted life? It was the reckless love of the Father. This story is a timeless parable for the modern addict, for he knows that when he comes running to his Father’s arms, disheveled and smelling of the pig sty, he will be stay there because of the Father’s wild and unchanging love.

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“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.” (I Corinthians 10:13-14)

The themes covered in this conference can be summarized in these two verses. The commonalities of sin and each persons sinful condition has been explored in depth. We know that we are all in the same battle. We also have seen that God has made provisions for us and that we can have a hope that he will remain faithful to us till the end of this age. We can also have hope in what is to come.

Powlison’s session focused on the later part of the verse: “Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.” Individuals struggling with addictions begin to see other people as objects, threats, or a source of gratification. People become unreal. The reason people become unreal is because God has become unreal. How is this remedied? The following is a summary of ten practical applications.

1.) A call to wake up!

a. Wake up to who you are. In this world we are either awake and spiritually sober, or you are asleep, foolish, and drunk. Honestly take a look at who you are and stop lying to yourself.
b. Awaken to what is going on in the world. Live with the awareness of the fragility of human life and this temporal world.
c. Wake up to what God has to offer. You need God and what he has to offer.

2.) A call to own up!

a. What is wrong exactly? Be honest with yourself and own up to what specifically is going on in your life. Stop being elusive or vague about your problem and own up to your condition.
b. Stop making excuses and admit that you do wrong because that is what you choose.
c. Own up to the fact that your sin is serious, and it is a serious offense before God.

3.) Intercept the death spiral!

a. Sin drives us into ourselves. Life becomes all about me. Guilt, likewise, also drives us into ourselves. We wallow in misery and failure. Jesus calls us to be focused externally. We must focus on Him to intercept this death spiral and come out of it.
b. Begin talking out loud about your issues. As we talk it helps us to clear our heads and see what is true. God hears our words and he invites us into a conversation with him.

4.) Ask for help!

a. Open yourself up to trusted friends. Make your problems public so you and others can see the addiction for what it is. Allow others to speak truth to you.
b. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16)

5.) Ask for forgiveness!

a. You have hurt people and neglected to love them, so you need to learn to ask for forgiveness.
b. Learn how to apologize correctly. Name your wrong, name what sin you have committed, express remorse, and ask for forgiveness.

6.) Forgive others!

a. Grapple with the wrongs others have committed against you and forgive them. Know that the Bible tells us that any other alternative to forgiveness is evil.
b. Even when reconciliation is not possible because of death or lack of remorse and repentance, you must have an attitude of forgiveness.

7.) Rethink the problem of pain!

Addictions are like a refuge from pain, trouble, disappointment, and betrayal. Rethink your how you take refuge in your addictive patterns. Learn to take refuge in God!
b. God promises that hard times will come, but God is the rock that will bring you through them (Jeremiah 17).

8.) Rethink pleasure!

a. In our culture we chase after workaholisim resulting in stress, and then we endulge in shallow self-destructive pleasure. Rethink recreation and how pleasure is experienced. Learn what it means to take pleasure in God.

9.) Correct your expectations!

a. Right expectations of the process of change is imperative for being hopeful idealists.
b. Know that even when you have broken free of an addiction, sin will return in other forms while we are on this earth.
c. We need to have a vision of genuine growth as well as ongoing failure. Rejoice and be encouraged in areas of growth. But, continue to be aware of the indwelling of sin and how it is manifested in our lives.

10.) Don’t Fight - Build!

a. Fill the room with light and there is less room for darkness. We need to squeeze out sin by filling our lives with things that are good and pure.
b. Why go to the nuclear winter when God has brought us to the garden? As we look honestly at our sin and see it as wicked and contemptible thing the addiction will lose its charm and allure.

Winston Smith gives a stirring talk about the Old Testament and addiction

The Gettys and band lead in worship

Michael Emlet addresses the subject of the New Testament and addiction

John Freeman, president of Harvest USA, teaches about sexual brokenness and addiction.

For more photos from the CCEF Conference, The Addict In Us All, see our photos on Flickr.

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Sexual/pornography addiction is on the rise in the church. Counselors are constantly saying that people are coming into their practices with well-developed addictions, many of them only 25 years old. It previously took 40 years for such a well-developed addiction, but with the advent of the Internet, sexual addictions are growing at alarmingly accelerated rates.

The uniqueness of porn addiction

Moreover, sexual addictions tend to have a unique qualities compared to other addictions. With sexual addiction there tends to be the development of a secret life. People trapped in this addiction learn how to hide well. Often the sigma attached to sexually compulsive behavior brings with it a fear of a loss of job or ministry position.

A sexual addict tends to experience more shame about who they are, and that shame drives them further into lonely isolation.

Moreover, the tell-tail signs of sexual addiction are not obvious to others on the surface (there’s no smell of alcohol on the breath or days of work missed due to hangovers).

What happens when God calls a man or woman out of their sexual addiction? What does this process look like? When a person really wants to change, what challenges will they face?

God calls sexual addicts into the “desert”

There are several kinds of “deserts” we may find ourselves in. Some desert experiences are of our own making. The sexual addict knows this desert well—it is the bitter pain of addiction’s consequences. Some deserts are places where God leads us to bring us into an experience of deeper intimacy (see Hosea 2:14). Then there are the deserts we choose to enter, usually after a crisis, because we know something needs to change.

The desert exposes our false goals and reveals new, real goals

When the sexual addict goes to the desert they are choosing to leave an old life of addiction and allow God to “undress the heart.” The desert for the sexual addict is that season in their life where they can sit with their confused and hurting hearts and cry out to God for answers, no matter how long it takes.

At first when they enter this desert they may have a host of goals they want to accomplish. “I want to stop looking at porn.” “I want to stop going to massage parlors and strip clubs.” “I want to stop engaging in cyber-sex.” “Once I get rid of _______ in my life, then everything will be okay.” These are actually goals that fall short of where God wants to take us. Yes, behaviors matter to God, but His chief project is our hearts.

God uses the desert experience to be a “light bulb” that exposes these false goals and reveals the depths of our addiction. The purpose of the desert is to lead people to true repentance . . . not merely using Jesus as a Christian version of a self-improvement program. Real repentance takes time. In the desert we learn not just to divorce ourselves from the addictive patterns in our lives, but we embrace new affections, new relationships with God and others.

The desert is not merely a place of “recovery” but “discovery.” Recovery is a great thing, but often recovery groups merely become “monitoring holding tanks,” places where our sin is managed, not overcome. The goal of the recovery group is just getting back to the people we used to be before the addiction came into our lives. In contrast, the discovery group is the place where at new life driven by the love of God is discovered and explored.

Walking through the desert takes time, patience, and will strip us of all self-reliance. The desert is not a quick fix, but a season where dependence on the Holy Spirit is learned.

The church—God’s people—is where grace is discovered

One of the Harvest USA group members called up the director, John Freeman, one day. He said to John that he had just tried, in bitter frustration, drove his car 100mph towards a bridge in order to kill himself. He had just come from a group session where they were continuing their discussion about the roots of pornography addiction. Obviously, he hadn’t hurt himself too badly, and was calling John to confess his anger and frustration.

Here are his words:

“My pornography isn’t even the real issue. It’s simply become my fist in God’s face for all the ways I’ve suffered, been dealt unfair blows, and is my response to how He’s not come through for me.”

These are honest words from someone who is in the desert, someone who is realizing the root of his problem, his anger towards God. These were lessons learned in the context of community, a group of believers who are walking with him in the desert.

This is what the church is called to do. Because there are literally millions of people sitting in our pews and attending our worship services who are struggling with porn addiction, we need to be a church with a continual rescue mission to the addict.

We are called, as God’s agents of grace, to be unshockable realists who climb down into the pit where the addict lives and show him/her the mercy of God.

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“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” Romans 7:18-19

We all feel this tension. At times it feels as if I cannot ever break free from the burdens of sin and addiction. Other times, we taste the goodness of Jesus and experience, by his grace, victories over sin. Scripture calls us to be neither optimists nor pessimists, but to be hopeful realists.

By this new paradigm of hopeful realism, pessimists are called to have a greater hope. Optimists are called not to expect more in this life than what is promised. Rather we can be hopeful realists because we know Jesus, we have a taste of His Spirit now, and we know the perfection we will inherit. We are called to be realists because we know we still live in the present age where there is tension with sin, and yet we know what is to come in the next age.

We live in an age that is filled with hope-filled groaning – the groaning that will not be complete until the end of this age (Romans 8:15-27). The age in which we live is often likened to childbirth. We are currently in the period where there is pain, labor, and work. But at the same time there is a certain future. A future filled with joy and fulfillment. The knowledge of the future should energize and motivate us in the present.

1. We are called to be a hopeful people

Oftentimes those in the grips of an addiction suffer from spiritual myopia (nearsightedness). That is, they live a life unaware of the working power of God and unmotivated. But scripture gives hope. Our hope is rooted in the surety of the future. We don’t need to pretend that the past has not occurred. But, as we look on the past we must keep our eyes set on the future and what is coming. We see in scripture that God is working through Christ to redeem his people.

2. We are called to put sin to death in light of the death of Christ

“We may have died to sin, but sin has not yet died out in us. The regenerate man is only in the process of being healed. Sin dwells in him still, and is deceitful still.” – Sinclair Ferguson

We must remember that there was a break with sin when we entered into a relationship with God, because of what he has done. Jesus victory over sin is also our victory. But, though there has been a break with sin we will continual to struggle while in this age (Colossians 3:1-5). Our view of sin should be shifted from a breaking of rules to a breech in relationship.

We might liken this age between Christ’s resurrection and his second coming to the time between D-Day and V-Day in WWII. In one sense the fighting continues; we must press on to the end. In another sense, a decisive victory has been won, a dramatic shift in power has taken place, and the outcome of the war is certain. Christ’s death and resurrection is our D-Day. We fight until V-Day arrives.

3. Repentance: Running to the Father

Do we minimize sin? Do we run in self-pity? Do we continue to sin to get more “bang for our buck”? Or do we truly repent as the Bible calls us to repent?

One of the key indicators to real growth is not merely a lack of sinning, but how quickly we run to the Father when we do sin. We need to take the groaning of failure and use it to run into our Fathers arms.

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There is a man who not only struggled with a pornography addiction, but was completely absorbed and consumed by his addiction. He was either continually looking or thinking about pornography. He had stacks of videos and piles of magazines in every room of his house. He reported that as he met people throughout his day they would star in a pornographic scene in his mind. This was a man who not only scared other people - he scared himself.

Upon further counseling, this man revealed that he desperately wanted love, acceptance and intimacy and had not been able to find it in real relationships. Pornography had become the way he fulfilled this desire. Pornography was the safe, easy, and controllable alternative to a real relationship. He could find exactly what he wanted in pornography without the risk of ever being rejected.

How do you find commonalities with someone like this? How do you instill in them hope?

The Old Testament can give us a unique perspective on addiction. We often rush through and simply tolerate the Old Testament in order to get to the New Testament. The New Testament has the magnificent story of Christ and salvation. It shows us our hero. But the Old Testament has a lot to offer to the addict.

The Old Testament can help us as we work with individuals suffering in two different ways. First, it tells us stories of slavery and groaning. The groaning is important because it tells us of our desperate need of a Savior.  Through these stories, we see hope, grace, and love.

How exactly can we use the Old Testament to help with the healing and recovery process?

1) The Old Testament puts us on common grown with the addict

Read Genesis 3 and you will see that we are all commonly plagued with the problem of sin. You can also see the path of decent we each follow. First, you see the entertainment of the lie that the serpent told Eve. Next, you see the enticement of the lie. The fruit was held before her was good and pleasing. The sins in our own lives also seem to be pleasing and enticing – for the present. And then, you see sin take hold resulting in misery, corruption, and slavery. Adam and Eve responded as we each do when caught by sin through covering themselves, hiding, and blame shifting. But finally, in the end we see that God comes through with hope and grace. There are many consequences they must endure because of the sin but this in itself gives us hope because we know that God is not giving up on us. God blesses us by cursing the sinful things we desire so we continue to seek the one who will offer us fulfillment. God promises to send a deliverer.

2) Hope can be found through groaning and lifting up our afflictions to God.

Psalm 88 is a psalm of lament. The author cries out to God about his sufferings. Feelings of desperation, despair, and isolation emanate from the author. We see that the scripture gives us permission to give voice to the suffering we feel. The suffering that the sins of others have placed upon us and also the suffering that we may endure because of our own wrong choices. Because the Bible uses this type of language, we ourselves may groan and cry out to the lord in our despair. We also know that even when we do express words of aloneness and feelings of being abandoned, that if we are speaking with God we have some level of faith. We know that because God was the author of the Bible that he understands our sufferings and we are not alone. Even though the pain can seem too much to bear, too much to face we know that when we give voice to the pain and take refuge in God we can begin breaking the bonds of addiction. When we take refuge in God we begin the process of breaking free of our refuge in sin and addiction.

3) The Old Testament can assist us by giving us bad news.

“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
The spring of living water,
And have dug their own cisterns,
Broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” (Jeremiah 2:13)

The Bible in this passage uses language of thirst. We see that the thirst is not the problem, where we are looking for it is! We are guilty of the most horrific crime – we have tasted God and we have rejected Him. We look for fulfillment in other areas: pornography, sex, gambling, food. These things becomes our idols. It is imperative we know how desperate our condition is so we turn to the cross and seek a Savior.

Through all of this, we know that God is not surprised by our relapses in sin, but he continues to endure through them. He is within our relapses in a mysterious way, so we can come to the end of ourselves.  To defeat our addictions we must see and understand our need for a Savior.

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Body Image. This is an issue that plagues women across the globe, especially those in western culture. Wives of pornography addicts often struggle disproportionately with this issue. Body image problems may cause numerous disorders including: depression, eating disorders, self-mutilation, obsessive exercise, anxiety, and isolation.

This was one video Julie showed at her workshop called “Dove Evolution.” It highlights so plainly how many people have bought into the lie of mass marketing when it comes to true beauty.

Our culture promotes a standard of beauty that is not only unrealistic, but it is potentially harmful. It is a standard that, as is vividly seen in pornography, dehumanizing and can justify violence. This is because a person becomes simply an object of pleasure rather than people being a means to having a mutually satisfying relationship. Our focus on beauty causes a preoccupation with self and a felt need for perfection. Self-promotion is not the answer happiness and contentment.

What is the answer?

Should we even care about what we look like? Often times Christians stand on one of two extremes. The stoic would purport that beauty is evil and anything that draws attention to ourselves should be avoided. On the other hand, there can be unexamined acceptance. This leads to embracing cultural ideals and measuring worth by superficial qualities. Both of these views are harmful and incorrect.

The correct view of beauty acknowledges that creation is a reflection of God’s glory and beauty. Beauty in its proper place always points to God and his sovereignty and goodness.

We must remember that we reflect the thing we wish to bear image to, and we image what we worship. Do we worship the world’s view of beauty? Success? Athleticisim? Non-Conformity? Or are we image bearers of the King?

If we desire to be image bearers of the King, we must understand what God’s standard is. We see His standard in the person of Jesus Christ.

For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not. (Isaiah 53:2-3)

He models the image that we are to bear. Jesus became like us, but was not defined us. He refused the labels that we gave him. And he alone established a model perfect image to aspire to.

Our goal should not be to attempt to draw people to ourselves, but it should be to allow Christ to call people to Himself through me. Expression of beauty is not bad, but the goal of self-expression should be to mirror Christ. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “Do not let your adorning be external – braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

“For a few minutes we have had the illusion of belonging to the world. Now we wake to find that it is no such thing. We have been mere spectators. Beauty has smiled, but not to see us.” (C.S. Lewis)