Breaking Free

What does porn addiction have to do with Stockholm Syndrome?

I was speaking recently with my good friend Jeff of Glass City Church about this, and the more we spoke, the more I saw the parallels.

Stockholm Syndrome is a curious psychological response where hostages begin to show loyalty to their captors. The criminologist Nils Bejerot coined this term after assisting police during a bank robbery which turned into a hostage crisis. After 6 days the hostages were showing signs of sympathy towards their captors. In fact, one of the hostages and one of the robbers later became good friends.

While there is considerable discussion surrounding the exact nature of this phenomenon, there have been several reported cases of the syndrome; some hostages seem to form powerful emotional attachments to their victimizers as an internal defense mechanism.

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Longing for Egypt

We can see Stockholm-like symptoms in the attitudes of the wandering Israelites. It had only been a few weeks since they had seen God split the Red Sea, yet even after that incredible deliverance, Israel still murmured against God when they ran out of provisions. The whole camp of Israel had grown bitter as they thought back to their life of slavery in Egypt. At least there, they thought, they ate around pots of meat and had all the bread they wanted (Exodus 16:1-3). Similarly, after hearing about the great foes that awaited them in Canaan, instead of trusting God to help them enter the land, they said, “Would it not be better for us to go back to Egypt? Let us choose a leader and go back” (Numbers 14:1-4).

Wasn’t this the same group of people who, in Exodus 2:23, groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help? Yet instead of remembering the cruelty of Egypt—the task masters, the heavy burdens, the years of toil making bricks under the hot sun, and the ruthless slaughter of their children—they remembered pots of meat.

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Longing for Porn

I have been just as guilty of the same lunacy when it comes to my habitual sins, such as my compulsive use of pornography. Sure, in my most sober moments I could see the ugliness of sin for what it was. But there were many moments when I rushed back to porn like a dog to its vomit. In those times it was like I was blind to the treachery, the sadness, the shame, and the oppressiveness of my addiction. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say: I saw all those things, but they somehow seemed less ugly.

Something in me wanted to be addicted, wanted the slavery, because I had developed a strong attachment to that slave master. Sure, he made my life a living hell, but there was a sort of twisted comfort in the fleeting pleasures he offered. It was like I was walking around in a fog of confusion.

The apostle Peter diagnosed this as spiritual “nearsightedness.” He speaks of the Christian who, though he has escaped the corrupt desires of the world, lacks qualities of virtue, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, and love because he has become “so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins” (2 Peter 1:9).

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The Sin of Unbelief

What root sin really caused the Israelites to long for Egypt? The book of Hebrews tells us: “For good news came to us just as to them, but the message they heard did not benefit them, because they were not united by faith with those who listened” (Hebrews 4:2). There were some who trusted God’s promises about entering the land of Canaan. But most did not have this faith. They were unable to enter because of unbelief (Hebrews 3:19).

It wasn’t that Egypt was better than the wilderness; rather, trusting the Egyptian slave masters was somehow easier than trusting God. Sure, Egypt was a cruel place, but at least it was a predictable place.

Similarly, for me, it wasn’t that slavery to porn was all that desirable, but it was easier for me than trusting God. Sure, I knew the cruelty of the slave master’s rod, but at least in front of my computer he delivered predictable rations.  In the wilderness of trust, however, I would be asked to die to my selfish demands and enter the unpredictability of following God’s Spirit. In order for me to get to the root of my porn addiction, I needed to own up to my sin of unbelief.

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The Fight of Faith

What is real faith? The Bible says faith is a deep, firm, and welcoming conviction which enables us to feel and act as if we have seen the invisible and future realities of which God speaks (Hebrews 11:1). To have faith is to trust God, to eagerly anticipate His faithfulness to His covenant promises, and to live our lives accordingly.

Faith is also something we must fight to maintain because we live in a world that is contrary to God’s ways. We have a powerful enemy—Satan—behind each temptation. We live in an atmosphere of autonomy; the world around us would just as soon forget God and deny His authority over us. Lastly, our own brains and bodies still impulsively react in almost animalistic ways to this decaying world. We are like fish swimming upstream.

And yet we are told by the apostle Peter amidst this battle that we may “become partakers of the divine nature,” mimicking Christ in His virtue. How? By God granting to us “his precious and very great promises” (2 Peter 1:3-4). The Spirit of God enters our dead hearts for the purpose of inspiring in us fresh faith, enabling us to see the greatness and the preciousness of these promises. Every step we take towards deeper life in God is a step of repentance: a choice to turn from unbelief towards a wholehearted belief that God is faithful, that He will deliver what He promises.

Practically speaking, for me, this means laying hold of the promise that the pure in heart shall see God (Matthew 5:8), and that someday I will see Christ face to face when He comes to set the world right. This hope is what fuels my desire to purify myself as He is pure (1 John 3:1-3). On my way to the abundance of the Promised Land, I have the past acts of God’s deliverance to inspire me, the Word of God to teach me, and the fire of the Spirit of God to go before me. These things give me a taste of that land. Only by that new and powerful longing for the Promised Land can there be any hope to remove my longing for Egypt.

To be sure, until that day, Egypt will still be in my blood. I will bear the scars of my former slave master’s whips. In my foggiest moment I will naturally be drawn to the memory of the pots of meat. But God feeds me with the heavenly manna of Christ’s broken body. He has given me a taste for milk and honey. And He has given me traveling companions that constantly remind me that we are on our way home.