A prostitute in Thailand dresses much different than a prostitute in Brazil. What’s accepted as modest dressing in one culture is not modest in another culture. In the Amazon jungle, covering the breast at all is not always necessary and this is completely acceptable, even among Christians. But if that jungle woman came to the USA not covering her breasts, most people would think that was inappropriate. And if the North American women w/ their bikini bottoms (or even with a one-piece bathing suit without shorts) came to swim in their rivers, many of the tribals (depending on tribe) would probably think the North American women were immodest.

I say this to emphasize that what is considered as immodest in one culture is not immodest in another culture, so we should remember that as the US is becoming increasingly intercultural and also as we try to judge ourselves and others. So basically, it’s my opinion that culture defines modesty, just as culture somewhat defines specific curse words (like bloody is not a curse word in the US, but is in England).

(there are passages like Nahum 3:5, Jer 13:26, Is 47:1-3 that help define nakedness as our body at the midsection, but 1 Cor 12:23 is still vague at what parts are “unpresentable”)

There are also situation elements to modesty. I personally don’t think a two piece bathing suit is necessarily a problem, but there’s a difference between a two piece and a string bikini, ya know? I don’t think a teenage girl should have to be forbidden to play volleyball in high school because the shorts are too tight, ya know? They serve a functional purpose. Obviously, you probably wouldn’t want to walk around in those kind of shorts absent of playing volleyball, but that’s a prime example of situational modesty. Are guy wrestlers who wear those unitards immodest because it leaves nothing to the imagination? It’s a functional piece of clothing. Again, it’s about motives.

When we went to the Dominican for our honeymoon, we didn’t know it was a topless beach until we got there. Ordinarily, I would’ve avoided that kind of situation, but what could I do then? I prayed and asked God for strength and managed to make it the entire week without allowing my eyes to wander. I had to take responsibility for myself in that situation because I couldn’t rely on the women around me to care about my purity. It’s all about personal responsibility.

In terms of your wife wearing frumpy jeans, about 59% of guys thought pants that follow a girl’s curves are modest as long as they aren’t skin-tight, and nearly a quarter of them were neutral on that question. So you’re in the vast majority there. Or to use another example of yours, 77% did not agree it is a stumbling block to see a girl lying down (they were neutral or disagreed in some way). Again you are in the majority there too. And by the way, 93% of guys didn’t have a problem with seeing a girls calves.

I agree with you that a girl’s heart is the main point. I also think when you read the Bible you see a rich symbolism applied to the subject of clothing. In various cultures, clothes do more than keep us warm; they make a statement. It is nice to see a survey like this because it gives ladies a chance to see what statement guys think they are making when they wear certain things.

And yes, you are right, it is our responsibility as men to guard our eyes. In the survey you can read over 100 responses to the question: As a guy, what is your responsibility in this area? Some of them are very interesting.

Thanks again for stopping by.

I take the common sense approach to modesty, although common sense is so rare these days it’s a freaking super power. I think that the amount of cleavage showing, the length of skirts and visible underwear are like the big three with modesty. I think in other areas this thing takes it too far. I was reading one thing that says tank tops are immodest and that seeing a woman lying down (even when she’s fully clothed) is immodest. There has to be a healthy balance.

I think women need to examine themselves and their motives. Why are they wearing what they’re wearing. If it is to get visual attention, then their hearts aren’t right. But if men feel like they need all the Christian women around them to dress in ankle-length mennonite skirts for modesty’s sake, I think that’s a bit ridiculous.

My wife is very curvy and one of her best physical features is her butt (in my opinion). It’s large and shapely, and it will be large and shapely regardless of what she’s wearing. I don’t want my wife to have to wear frumpy jeans that are too big in the waist in order to hide her butt just because another man can’t control his own eyes. I’ve spent the last 15 months disciplining myself and my eyes, and like Job I’ve made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at another woman (Job31:1) regardless of what she’s wearing. My response is my responsibility.

Obviously women can certainly help by how they dress, but ultimately as a man it’s our responsibility. If you’re standing before God and he asks you why you oggled and lusted after every woman who passed you by, I don’t think saying “It’s her fault, she wasn’t dressed modestly enough and she was showing too much cleavage” is going to be an acceptable answer.