Husbands Who Watch Porn (Part 3) – When they don’t want to change
I recently found this video online. It sadly reminds me of so many of the comments we’ve received on this blog from distressed wives:
In just the last three weeks I’ve received comments from several women frustrated and deeply hurt by their husbands’ porn use. Some men, when confronted about this, simply do not want to change their habits even for the sake of their marriage. Below read some of the comments I’ve received:
Vanessa: “Why do husbands put the feeling of guilt on the wives when they have been caught? Is it the wife’s fault? Is there something the wives are not doing for or to the husband to keep him away from porn sites? I can’t possibly get any more depressed than I already am. He is even talking about the girls he visits on the porn sites.”
Anonymous: “I’ve been clueless on how to handle my loved ones addiction to internet porn. Our relationship has ended a few times over it and this final time is the last straw….His reasoning goes from: ‘every man looks at porn’ to ‘it’s completely normal’ to ‘I haven’t had sex in a week and a man has needs,’ and from ’it’s okay, because it’s rated the #1 porn site on the internet’ to ‘I’ve grown up around porn so it’s just normal to me.’ To me, this is just unacceptable.”
Tina: “My marriage has been in a downward spiral for 8 years because of his use of porn….We are at the beginning of this very difficult journey and my emotions fluctuate minute to minute.”
Anonymous: “I divorced my 1st husband after 18 years because he refused to get any help for his addiction to pornography, and now I am going through the SAME nightmare again with a 2nd husband who is also addicted to it.”
Alicia: “Recently, my husband tried to go into my yahoo account and he went into the spam emails and tried to download some emails to some sexually explicit sites….The first time I caught him I was around 8 weeks pregnant and I was so devastated. He was on an online swingers site looking at naked women.”
If you are a wife reading this and these testimonies strike a deep emotional chord, understand that you are not alone in your struggle. Find solidarity with other women who can lend emotional support to you.
Online Forums
If you don’t know who to talk to, there are several online forums where women gather to talk about the negative effects of pornography in their marriage.
PornAddictHubby Forum – Support, understanding, and counseling resources for wives and girlfriends of Internet pornography addicts
New Life Partners – a Christian online resource and support group for women whose lives have been impacted by husbands or loved ones caught in the web of pornography and/or sexual addiction
Pink Cross Foundation forum – This is the ministry of Shelley Lubben, a former porn star who now reaches out to those in the adult entertainment industry. This is her forum for wives of porn addicts.
Recommended Articles
“Do I Stay or Do I Leave?” by Geri Huminski, Ph.D.
“Wives, Take Control” by Noryne Mascarella and Pure Online
“Who Needs It? The Importance of Counseling” by Rob Jackson
“Guidelines for Selecting a Counselor” by Rob Jackson
“Common Barriers to Seeking Counseling” by Daniel L. Weiss
“Failures Are a Part of the Process” by Kathy Gallagher
“A Marriage Restored” by Laura Booz
Part 1: Making a Crisis Out of a Crisis
Part 2: Listening to Wise Friends
Part 3: The Circles of Restoration
Thank you for your articles. I have been fighting my husband for 18 years over this. He swore when we got married he would quit. I found out 13 years later he still was looking at mags and the internet. By accident I came across his pictures. He has since promised 3 times to quit and I keep finding clues. They start when he acts distant and then I find the links in the computer history. I have cried hundreds of times over this and have about cried out.
He knows how it hurts me and still won’t quit or even admit he has a problem. It is nice to see I am not alone.