About the author, Carl Stewart

Carl Stewart is the author of the Amazon Kindle bestseller, The Porn Antidote: God’s Secret Weapon for Crushing Porn’s Grip, and Creating the Life and Marriage You Dream Of. Carl is a counselor and coach in an overflowing private practice where he works with men and marriages devastated by pornography and sexual addiction. He has advanced training and supervision in Emotionally Focused Therapy–the most empirically validated marital therapy which is uniquely suited to restoring marriages affected by sexual betrayal. Carl is a speaker at men’s events, marriage retreats, and parenting seminars. Check out Carl Stewart’s website and blog at www.thepornantidote.com.

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Overcome Porn: The 40 Day E-mail Challenge

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Find freedom with Overcome Porn: The 40 Day E-mail Challenge, a step-by-step action plan designed to help put porn behind you forever.

5 thoughts on “The Two Best Predictors of Addictive Behavior

  1. I liked this one. Can loneliness and bullying be considered abuse? I am going through encountered feelings like these in the accountability group I am in, as we dig deeper into what triggers us into acting out. But, I never really considered this to be part of the cause.

    • Abuse is generally assessed via power and control factors, and includes all sorts of abuse not commonly recognized: verbal, emotional, spiritual, financial. Here’s a link to the Power and Control Wheel, from the National Centers for Domestic Violence, which should help you assess whether a situation is abusive.

  2. I see the Power and Control Wheel is still blatantly sexist using only females as victims and implying only males are abusers. Life is more complex than that. I’m a retired therapist whose practice concentration was trauma resolution. Worked with many women who were abused by men. It didn’t take that long, however, before I also began coming across men who were being abused by females. It was a form of institutional abuse for them to not see reality reflected in this Wheel.

    I modified this Wheel to reflect reality in my practice. It can easily be updated to indicate the roles can be played by either sex. It should be done.

  3. No Abuse or Neglect in my past. A very happy and loved childhood. So if it is not these, what are my roots? When I look back at the day when I fall back into my addiction it seems that it happens when I slip away from my connection to the Lord through anger, conceit, or disappointment/self-pity.

    • Hi Nyx,

      Yeah, like you, most of the guys who are heavily into porn do not have these abuse or neglect markers. Unfortunately, I think the problem is way bigger than these outlying abuse issues. The problem is the way that our culture raises men in general to deny, repress, and ignore emotions: “big boys don’t cry,” “be a man.” And then they are told that it’s inevitable to act out: “boys will be boys.” PLUS there’s the huge burden of shame around sexuality in Christian culture, AND men being told that they have to be the spiritual leader, so you add even more emotional burden onto men who have been trained not to be able to bear those burdens in any way other than acting out. It’s a mess.

      My hope is for the future, that we raise both men and women to be more emotionally intelligent, more self-responsible, and more capable of dealing with life in healthy ways instead of all the acting out, objectifying, blame, and shame.

      Meanwhile, I would suggest that you find a therapist who can help you work on your own emotional health so that you can sit with the normal emotional stuff of life and deal with it in a healthy way.

      You might enjoy watching the Facebook Live session I did with Dan the other day which addressed this in more detail.

      Peace to you,
      Kay

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