About the author, Brad Hambrick

Brad Hambrick is Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church in Durham, North Carolina. Brad also serves as a Council Board member with the Biblical Counseling Coalition and adjunct professor of biblical counseling at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Brad has been married to his wife Sallie since 1999 and has two wonderful boys.​

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2 thoughts on “7 Marks of Enduring Accountability Relationships

  1. Dear Brad,

    I was in a marriage (recently divorced) where my husband disclosed he had been watching child pornography for over a year and progressed to molesting my granddaughter. He was arrested on July 3, 2016 and sits in jail awaiting sentencing. I continue to be grandmother to my granddaughter(s) and feel I have forgiven him. But, I went ahead with the divorce because of the shame attached to these crimes and that I feel I Might lose my daughter and son in law if I stayed married to him. I am a classic case of co-dependency. However, I am AWARE! I was a victim advocate in the criminal justice system for 30 years and had just retired when this came out. I feel he has many more psychological reasons for committing these crimes than even he can remember! I “caught” him masturbating to adult pornography in 2011. He refused counseling so I began to go on my own. I left him at that time for 5 months and when we reunited, I began the conseling after his refusal. The past year, I couldn’t put my finger on what was wrong with him! I didn’t directly ask him if he had “relapsed”. I am in the midst of recovery myself now. We moved last year and I guess maybe i thought that had been a “trigger” for him, I don’t know. My question is: he now wants with all his soul to reunite and I’m questioning the divorce.

    I’ve read numerous books on Betrayal and being a social worker myself understand it would take many years of counseling for marriage to work.I want a marriage (this was my and his second marriage) where my partner is devoted to God. I’ve talked with him from the jail and it sounds like he is devoting himself to God in there. He is ready to take whatever punishment is handed down from the judge so it may be many years before he and I could ever get into counseling together. What attracted me to him in the beginning (15 years ago) was his Christian upbringing and outlook on life. He had come from a very large family where Christianity was a daily discussion, he had a long career in the Navy, working on jets and auditing. In some ways I’m glad its over, but his family won’t give up on me and him. This is causing me to pause. So, to end this, was it right or wrong? In God’s eyes. I’m doing several bible studies and beginning a Celebrate Recovery Program in this area. I need some help.

    • Ellen,

      Your ex will be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life. This is not over, and it will never be over.

      Be aware that pedophiles reoffend at an alarming rate, and can have HUNDREDS of victims over the course of a lifetime. Do you potentially want to be the “cover” for that?

      It will never be over for the granddaughter that your ex raped. NEVER.

      Think about what it would mean to your grandchildren if you chose to live with their rapist.

      Think about what it would mean for you to live with a registered sex offender: you cannot and should not have children in your home.

      His family probably doesn’t want to face up to the reality of what their family member did. I’m sure it would be helpful to them if you remarried him so they could continue to think “it’s over.”

      Bible studies and Celebrate Recovery are a good start for you, but you need to see a therapist who can help you think about healthy boundaries for yourself and for the children in your life.

      Peace to you,
      Kay

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