About the author, Chris McKenna

Chris is the Covenant Eyes Educational Resource Manager. Chris has a BA in Accountancy and Spanish from Western Michigan University. After 12 years in business advising with Ernst & Young, God led Chris to a full-time student ministry role. He started protectyoungeyes.com in 2015  as a ministry to equip and educate parents and teens on the latest gadgets, apps, and how to use the Internet well, which led him to Covenant Eyes. God works in unexpected ways!

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Your Brain on Porn

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Watching just 5 hours of porn has been proven to significantly change people's sexual beliefs and attitudes. Find out 5 distinct ways that porn warps your brain, as well as 5 biblical ways to renew your mind and find freedom.

7 thoughts on “Women Just Don’t Have This Problem

  1. Great article. Interesting, I got addicted to porn after I found my husband had been lying and hiding it. It made me angry and I lost all my self esteem. I felt cheated on. But after years of this same cycle I decided to work on me physically. But I got hooked and have thousands of pictures of men. I no longer view my husband the same at all and fantasize all the time about other men. I used to feel bad but after realizing most men never change, certainly not mine. I often wonder what my husband would think if he knew I am dealing with this. I feel bad for the women who are going to deal with their husband or boyfriends porn for ever. My attitude is, you can’t beat them, join them. Find your own beef cake, eye candy because let’s face it were all getting older.

    • Hi Kathy – I’ve found that living in the “light,” in complete transparency is just a better way to live. Would you consider telling him?

    • Kathy, thank you for your honesty. I am saddened by your comments because there is no peace of mind and no long term satisfaction in porn. I know. I got involved long before the internet. I have battled on and off for many, many years. I have recent sobriety of 9 years by the grace of God. I always needed more and different porn. It made me less relational. I had great help from a secular 12 step. I had to go cold turkey. I had to break the masturbation cycle that accompanied my porn viewing.

      I used it to cope with life for so many years. In recovery we talked about why we were addicted. Sometimes we talked about resentments, hatred, self and others and many more mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of addiction. I am praying for your marriage and both of you for healing of addictions. Respectfully, Steve

    • Kathy,

      It’s hard, I’m sure. Many married women have contacted me in a similar place. They were so broken by their husband’s porn use that they turned to it themselves. Basically their marriages turned into two porn addicts using each other’s bodies to fulfill their fantasies. That’s essentially what sex in a porn-filled marriage is, and it breaks my heart, because it has to be the strangest feeling to be the closest you can be physically and yet the furthest you can be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It has to be the strangest disconnect, and is certainly not the way it was intended at all. Your husband hurt you, and now you both have simply numbed yourself to each other.

      If I can encourage you at all, let me offer this. First is that God can change your husband. Assuming you are a Christian, I would encourage you to pray for that. I know men who have gone from addiction to porn to being capable of investing in healthy relationships. That doesn’t mean they don’t fall, but it does mean that their overwhelming priority is for true intimacy with their wives.

      Secondly, I would encourage you that “you can’t beat them, join them” isn’t healthy either. It is, essentially, a way of numbing the hurt caused by your husband’s porn use. It’s a way to even the playing field by lowering it. It would be like your husband drinking sewer water even though you have a pitcher of crystal clear water waiting for him. Obviously, that would hurt. It seems ridiculous that here you are and he’s still choosing the ‘hers’ online over you. So, instead of holding fast to that pitcher of clear water, you set it aside and head for the sewer yourself. Equality doesn’t make the relationship healthy.

  2. When I read Jessica’s book, I cried more times than I can count. She is the perfect picture of miraculous grace. When I started the book, I did not expect to read about the intense struggle she had after becoming a Christian and in recovery. I had thought, well I have not read much about her struggle when she was in recovery, so she had it not too bad. Wow! I was wrong. I read it because I was looking for answers. And I don’t know what Jessica would say to this, but for me to read about her struggle in recovery, SAVED MY LIFE. I knew I was not the only woman who had a sexual addiction. But by this point, I believed 100% that I was the only Christian woman who fell and relapsed again and again and again in recovery. And because I believed that, i also thought i could never be completely free. I have been in recovery since Dec 2014. I was desperate for freedom, but i kept sinning, in fact, it got worse. I have just come out of the worst relapse I have ever had, only by the grace of God. I had written a comment on another article a couple weeks ago, but it never got posted, because I was too rude I think. Sorry to whoever moderated it. I was angry at me, at life, at people, and at God. Why was I the only one? Why did everyone else walk away with ease, and I had to be shackled to this? As my last resort, went to DirtyGirlsMinistry. I tell you, that lie I was believing for so many years, that is completely gone. Not that I’m glad in anyway that others go through what I go through too. I am simply thankful that I am not alone at all. And if others beforee could struggle so long and hard, and come out free, that gives me hope that I can be forever free to. So just a thought…we women know now that other women struggle with sex addictions too. But do we understand there will be a fight, and that we are NOT the only one tripping up so much in recovery. And that that does not mean we are forever doomed. Maybe it was just my own logic, but chances are it wasn’t.
    Thanks for the article.

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