Overcome Porn: The 40 Day E-mail Challenge

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Find freedom with Overcome Porn: The 40 Day E-mail Challenge, a step-by-step action plan designed to help put porn behind you forever.

37 thoughts on “The Secret to Beating Porn Addiction

  1. I have always interpreted “meditate” as just thinking to myself, thinking about God, thinking about Scripture verses, resisting temptation, etc. Now I know it means to literally mumble or mutter so there is actually a verbal forthcoming of those thoughts. This was the real take away for me.

    • thanks Luke, that was great! My brain is geared to look for nuts and bolts, A-Z ways to achieve things. The problems I’ve had is really breaking down spiritual truths and applying them because they seem way to dense. Thanks, again you’ve given me a great format to use in my fight for purity as well as one that I believe will transfer over to the rest of my spiritual life-Awesome!

    • My one thing is consistency… Being able to track my progress. I’ve already set a reminder on my phone at 3am to put the phone down and pray and meditate.

    • Verbalise it. As we all know we behave in this way when we are alone, feeling alone, etc. so it should be possible to speak out loud with no-one hearing us! But that is wrong. We hear ourselves speaking out against this and our tempter hears us speaking out loud against this and I feel sure this will be a key to getting on top of both this and other behaviours that are unbecoming to my life as an adopted child of God. Thank you for sharing this video and giving us men some more strength to really “man up” to be the men of God we are called to be. Blessings….

  2. Hi Luke

    Wow, what an awesome video….very encouraging. I had just put a reply today on another video you did, I believe it was the one you were referring to at the beginning of this one. Some of the things you mention (in this video) really makes sense and assures me what I had been doing was good…..journal keeping and changing patterns. I not only journal keep, but each day I put a little number at the top corner of each day on the calendar when I have a “clean day”. I see your point of seeing each day as its own challenge instead of a long period of time, it is overwhelming to think of my New Year’s resolution being clean, but I know that with each new calendar day being counted as another day it becomes a journey out of this darkness that I’ve been in for “so many years” into light. I am also going to be challenging myself to speak the “fighter verse”, I really did not see it in the light you described before. I have heard speakers mention memorization of a few verses, but now I know a little more of how scientific it is. I can now remember that all of the times I fail I am battling the thoughts in my mind. The more I think about not thinking of them the more I “think” about them….it’s so O.C.D.!! I really believe changing it into speaking will help me, praise God! Oh how I want to be freed from this, I want so much to have a pure thought life. I read of some individuals that have been clean for years, wow, that is awesome and how I want this for myself. I like the download page you showed, how can I download that? I would like to keep these in or with my journal. Luke, God bless you for taking the time to do “videos”, they seem to impact me more. Please share more like these in the future, I tend to look on YouTube for encouraging videos only to get bombarded with videos that are lustful and thus I tend to go into a downward spiral and lust, this is another area I am going to stay away from and break the pattern. Thanks again and may God bless you and the group at Covenant Eyes!!

  3. It would be nice if the information of this video be made available in written format. Not everyone is able to watch videos for all sorts of reasons.

  4. Great video. Really like the focus on one step at a time. I’ve been stuck in it for almost 50 years now (60 years old) so even 5 steps a day are a lot. I’m going to focus on not indulging and learning a fighter verse. I have days and even weeks of success, but nothing longer than that, except for a year when I was first saved twenty years ago. I;m looking forward to the app. Pray for me if you read this.

  5. The one thing that really grabbed my attention was the accountability through the covenant eyes app! I’m going to make this happen for sure. And my accountability partner will be someone that holds high honor in my life and he isn’t afraid to confront me lovingly, or speak life when I’m successful. Thanks!

  6. As I listen to you, I really understand and my mind becomes aware about my pornography addiction problem. But after few days I fail to control it. I feel hopeless, particularly after masturbating. I’m about 7 years addiction up to now. Please your help; I’m so curious to renew my life and brighten my future.

  7. I don’t think you can get un-addicted to porn. What might happen is porn gets old and you will lose interest. Especially, if you find someone to share life with. I know that happened to me. When I was single, Iooked at porn. When I had a gorgeous girlfriend I was sleeping with, I never looked at it. However, when things get too boring or your partner loses interest in sex or becomes unattractive, you will go back to porn. The sex drive of human beings is quite well researched. A person isn’t born with a drive for drugs or alcohol or work or any other addiction. However, sex is a completely different story.

    1) You are hardwired for it.
    2) Your hormones drive it.
    3) Your senses notice it.
    4) People are driven to find a mate and society pushes this.
    5) Even if you go cold turkey, women will flaunt sexuality. Entire industries are built around women using sex to get what they want in life and I can give anyone who disagrees many examples of this.

    This is the reality of the situation. Also, the drive for purity is one of the worst things you can do to a young person. You will virtually ensure that he or she will act out once they leave the house to be on their own. Seen it a billion times. I lived it. I came from a strict religious family. Heck, we had to cover our eyes when a naked woman came on the TV screen. Once I left the house for good after college and saw the real world, I acted out.

    You see …. their are various levels of women. In elementary school you think the girl in your class is so cute and no one can beat her until you go to high school! In high school, you think she is pretty and no one is better than her until you go to college. In college, you think that girl you meet is unbeatable until you go to a major city. In a major city, you will see women that will completely blow your socks off and God forbid if you have major money. If you have serious cash — you will meet women you never knew existed. I completely understand the parts of the bible where the “sons of God” saw the daughters of man and couldn’t control themselves. There are women on this planet that are so unbelievable and believe me when I say, women will do anything for money. On some level —- all women are about money. Again, I can give many examples of this too. But if you have money and live in a major city, you will be blown away. I will never forget coming from a small town and a small college town to a major city and going to a high end strip joint. My God, the women I saw there were unbelievable. In fact, I went to the Miss Nude International Pageant held in Atlanta. I swear I thought I died and went to heaven. Those women were the most lovely creatures I have ever seen. Years later, I associated with some extremely wealthy people. Think billionaires. There are kept women in those groups that put Playboy models to shame. I promise you this.

    I don’t say these things to rain on someone’s parade. I say them so people can pursue what they want realistically. You must be prepared for what the world really is all about. Not this idealized world that many Christians live in —- that world DOES NOT EXIST. There are very real reasons why men and women escape to porn and few people ever really deal with those reasons. They always just assume it is lust and it isn’t. The worst thing you can do is make sex taboo. That will drive people right to it. Men must also completely understand what women are in this world. Women are the weaker sex and because of this they use their beauty to manipulate. Female charms is not just a catchy phrase. It is very real. Even that prim and proper Christian woman, she uses sex in some way to get a mate. Seen that too. Often, they are the biggest hypocrites about this that there are.

    If you dont want to look at porn, more power to you, but I warn you — you must be aware of the real world. Forms. Bible verses. Sayings. They are no match for the real world. Even your buddy who is helping you, won’t be there when the real world presents itself to you. Now what you can do is know your triggers and create other ways to deal with those triggers. Something constructive that will bring a sense of enjoyment. You literally have to recondition yourself. But even that might not work because of loneliness. In the end, the only thing that works is just a realistic attitude towards sex. That is it. Sex is important. When you get consistent sex, it is less important because you are getting it. It is when you arent getting it or are lonely is when porn takes hold of you.

    Really want to stop the porn epidemic? Churches need to start setting people up and telling people that sex is okay. That it is normal. That it isnt taboo. God and Jesus are great. They truly are, but they can’t hug you or hold you at night. They cant take away your loneliness. I assure you of this. Now what they can do is help you help yourself so you arent lonely. But they cant give you a hug, a kiss, or support that you can sense. This is just me being real.

    God, I wrote a lot. Sorry.

    • Hey Mike,

      Nice thoughts here. Let me try to clarify some things.

      1. When I talk about breaking free from pornography, I mean breaking free from the habit of seeking out pornography—nothing else. Do men (and women) continue to struggle with lust in many other forms? Yes. Can these habits change too? Yes. But that’s not in the scope of what I’m talking about here.

      2. You’re making a lot of defeatist comments here. Will some (many?) men retreat to porn when things get hard in life, when the wife is gone or disinterested in sex? Yes. Will all do it? No. We are hardwired for sex, yes, but this does not mean being hardwired for porn. If modern neurological studies are telling us anything, it is that our brains simply aren’t healthy on porn at all—as opposed to faithful sexual intercourse.

      3. Your perspective on women is pretty bleak. Not that I assume I can change your mind about women in a single comment, but for the sake of others reading your words, there are a lot of women out there who don’t just marry for money (my wife sure didn’t).

      4. I’m not even sure what you mean by “forms” and “Bible verses” and “sayings” not being a match for “the real world.”

      5. I agree with your statement about knowing your triggers and doing something constructive with your time—we talk about these subjects quite a bit in the 40-day challenge. They are a bit part of what it means to “run from” and “run to,” as I talk about in the first video.

      6. I completely agree that for many (even most) people, porn is a substitute for the sex they aren’t getting. As many counselors have called it, it is a false intimacy—something to fill the nagging emptiness inside from having no one to hold you. And perhaps you already know this, but porn isn’t much of a substitute. Which is why a lot of people single people are running from it—so they can run towards intimacy with another person.

    • Hi Mike

      I have a really good sex life with my wife of 22 years (this coming April) and I still struggle with porn. I refuse to bow down to this, even if I struggle to the day I’m finally put out of this misery. If this was so natural, why do I feel so empty after each (porn) session? Jesus said that if you’ve lusted in your heart you’ve committed adultery. Nowhere in the Bible does The Lord give a person a free ticket to indulge, but to flee. True, there are some really beautiful women in this world, but I don’t believe my porn problem is centered around a female body. My wife is very beautiful, affectionate, encouraging and a tremendous mother to my kids. The bible states “For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought down to a piece of bread, and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.” (Proverbs 6:26) There is something lacking in my life, maybe it’s service to The Lord, prayer life, not guarding my heart the way I should. I have experienced what “I thought” was the perfect porn only to have emptiness, loneliness, guilt, anxiousness, paranoia flood my entire being. After being with my wife, “none” of those emotions hit me. Porn takes from my wife what should be hers 100%….”me”. The fruit of porn is destruction, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,Meekness, temperance…” (Galatians 5:22-23) None of these I have ever got from porn. Any time I tried to put some aside for later, I ended up destroying it out of guilt….only to repeat the cycle. I never felt like I could say “that was very satisfying”. When I am with my wife, it is very satisfying and I can sometimes go long distances without any sexual intimacy. The Bible says “Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” The Lord has given me a place to fulfill my sex drive (which is natural / God given) my wife, maybe I have not been as grateful in giving my Lord thanks for all the things he has given me to satisfy those natural drives our bodies have, including sex. “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18) Pornography is the epitome of loneliness and emptiness that God stated was not good for man. No, I may have to keep brushing off my clothes as I fall into the ditch from time-to-time, but as my Lord liveth, I will not give up. I believe a fighter verse is in order now….”Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.” (Proverbs 16:3)

      Keep up the great work Luke & the Covenant Eyes group…I am looking forward to giving 2016 a new person.

  8. I love the 5 steps, several I have already been working on. #5 to track my progress is something I had not thought of yet and am anxious to try. Thanks for the tips!

  9. Changing my habit around my top 3 “time triggers”. I know the times that I am
    tempted to watch porn and actually do watch porn. If I change my habit and
    plan other things around that time, I can be successful at doing other productive things rather
    than watching porn

  10. As someone that fights this battle daily, I even break this down a little farther and sometimes live my daily challenge in smaller pieces…”I will not look at porn this morning!” Once I make it thru the morning then it becomes “I will not look at porn this afternoon,” then in the evening the same thing. It’s a battle, struggle but I know that God is continuing a work in me (Phil. 1:6) and will not cease! Thanks Luke to you and the team at Covenant Eyes for all you have done and are doing to help and supply the tools and direction needed to assist in this ugly war.

    • Hi John

      Wow, that’s good….I agree, that’s how I need to breaking it down also. I’ll be praying for’ya my friend.

  11. Hello Luke. One take-away that I can get from this video, based on your advice, which I can start doing today is writing down or tracking down my progress at the end of the day to know how I did. Thanks.

  12. The one thing that really stuck to me from this video was regarding vocalizing the temptation. How true it is that sometimes a temptation to view porn hits me, something in me just quickly takes over and I almost robotically give in, as if I was in a trance. And the funny thing is in every instance I can think of, I never spoke a word. Its always an internal action. I am going to dig more into this and am going to implement the strategy you outlined. Now that I am thinking about it, Its also hard for me to actually say the word porn outloud, Its almost as if my mind automatically wants to keep that part quite.

    Thanks for your video series and I am looking forward to finally making some progress.

    Thanks

    Jason

  13. A big that I heard, that I’ve heard before but keep forgetting is to not focus on the sin. But to focus on God. He is the One that saved me from my sin, and He is the One that will save me from this sin. Thank you for all that you’re doing, with this site and with these videos.

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