Are you ready to find an accountability partner but don’t know where to look?
Accountability partners are friends at the deepest level. They are people with whom you will share your slips, struggles, challenges, and victories. These allies are people who will support you whether you’ve had a good, bad or ugly week. These special people take time to find, but they may not be as far away as you think.
Once I entered my sexual addiction recovery, it took me about a year to find the right accountability partner. I don’t think it has to take you that long. Fortunately, there are some pools of people around you that may make it easier. When you’re looking for an ally in your fight against porn, start with the pools of people who are already in your circles.
Pools of People Where You Find Accountability
- Close friends – Who are your current close friends? Safe friends who know your story make the best accountability partners. Even if a close friend doesn’t know your story, they could be receptive to your need for accountability.
- Old friends – Go back in the past. What old friends did you have from high school, college, work, or church that you could get back in touch with? Who in your past was a support to you? Old friends can be brought up to speed quickly and will probably be a good option. It doesn’t matter if your friend is in a different part of the country, technology give us many good ways to reconnect.
- Church small group member – If you’re in a church, you’re already in a place where you can get support. Yes, church members have sexual struggles just like the rest of us. They just don’t talk about them and they’re good at hiding them. Whom have you connected with in your church? Whom do you have a good chemistry with? Maybe it’s time to test the water?
- Minister – A relationship with a minister is a good relationship to have anyway. Set up an appointment with your pastor, priest, deacon, or teacher. Most ministers understand the need for safety and confidentiality. Maybe your minister can help you get started for the first month while you look for another option. Or maybe you have a minister who has the time to enter into an accountability relationship with you.
- Counselor – A counselor is always a solid option. There is cost involved. Using a counselor long-term for your accountability needs might get expensive, but they will do a good job. Counselors also understand confidentiality. It is the nature of their profession be a safe place for people to share deeper struggles. A counselor might also be able to help you with other local resources in your area you don’t know about.
- Support group – I love this option! A support group is an instant group of friends that will understand your struggles and probably a good pool to find an ally or sponsor. Look for purity group in your area or online.
- Spouse? – For many of us it’s difficult for our spouse to be our accountability partner. Our spouses are natural allies, but they may have been damaged by our sexual struggles. As your marriage heals, your spouse will be able to help more. If you do accountability with your spouse, make sure you don’t load him or her down with the whole thing. Keep looking for others to help you and shift the load.
- Family member? – For some of us, no. Family members are good general support, but it’s sometimes hard for them to ask the tough questions. I do know several sexual strugglers who have a close family member that are helping them. You may have a unique relationship with a sibling, parent, or cousin. If that’s the case, give it four weeks and see how it goes.
- Accountability Jumpstarts – At PurityCoaching.com we have a program called Accountability Jumpstarts. We can be your accountability partner for up to three months. We will help you build your key accountability questions, monitor your computer accountability report, and develop a long-term accountability strategy. We also offer and optional spouse’s meeting to make sure we are supportive of both marriage partners. The code COVENANTEYES15 will give you 15% off of this service.
Other Accountability Thoughts:
- Take a risk
- Start small and work your way up as trust is earned.
- Agree to a trial period of 4-6 weeks.
- Commit to it. No excuses. You don’t want someone who is half-hearted.
- Keep trying. The right person is out there.
- Don’t forget it takes time to move from acquaintance to friend to trusted friend.
As long as you’re willing to take steps of courage with the people God has already placed in your life, I think you’ll find a good accountability partner. Remember, you have to be the one taking initiative. You have to make the call, shoot out the email, set the appointment, and test the waters.
You can do it! Keep plugging away until you find the right people to support you and walk deeply with you!