Episode 156
[powerpress]
Men who struggle with porn aren’t just wrestling with sexual sin. Often they are “God haters,” they are “idol makers,” and they are “game players.” What do these labels mean?
Today, we’re talking with John Freeman, president of Harvest USA and author of Hide or Seek: When Men Get Real with God About Sex. He speaks with us today about the inner world of the man addicted to porn, his love-hate relationship with God, the things he cherishes most, and the ways he hides from others.
Show Notes:
0:48 – Why were you inspired to begin writing this book, Hide or Seek?
1:48 – What is Harvest USA and how long have you worked with the ministry?
2:47 – In Hide or Seek, you talk about porn addicts—even Christian porn addicts—becoming “God haters.” What does this mean?
8:25 – What probative questions would you ask someone to help them understand their anger at God?
11:50 – What do you mean that Christians who struggle with porn are “idol makers”?
20:30 – What do you mean that Christians who struggle with porn are “game players”?
After getting into recovery from porn, how long does it usually take for this anger to be subdued?
Re: topic of anger towards God
Our anger toward God which leads to disobedience (i.e. porn) isn’t justified, but the frustration we’ve felt since puberty at being created with approximately 15 times more testosterone (the hormone primarily responsible for male/female sex drive) than women have is something I sure would love to know God’s “explanation” for. I know I’m not the only guy who has wondered about that on a virtually daily basis. [Women: 15-70 units; Men: 300-1,000 units; web source: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003707.htm%5D
And there are plenty more negative aspects about being a guy that makes me wonder what God’s purposes were in creating us as He did. Ask even a handful of women that question sometime and see what kind of responses you get. Pretty revealing.
I agree with you. You are speaking about things no one wants to talk about. We are literally hardwired for sex. Not figuratively, but literally. My personal take is that God did not make sex taboo. Man and the puritanical church did as a form of control. Makes sense really. Early on as civilization developed we had no real medicines, so if you caught a disease from sex you died. Then, those who were rich and in power had to control the masses of poor. How do you do that? Make sure they don’t breed. After all, the people have the true power. Not the rich. How do you make sure people don’t breed — you make sex evil. But of course, the rich and in power can do what they want. Look at Solomon who had 1,000 wives. His sex life was awesome and never boring!! Constant variety.
The other thing we never talk about is the way women tempt with sex. It is constant and will be never ending. Women are master manipulators and do it from the time they are small because we cater to women — especially in America. Constantly hammering men and telling them they must be “pure” will do absolutely no good when you are constantly tempted. The pastor who is married with three kids and has never left his small church has absolutely no chance to persuade a man when that man will be tempted by a woman with an amazing body and that man is lonely. Then we completely have built up women to sainthood status. All women in America are saints and victims.
Lastly, many Christians have elevated life to some white picket fence idea that has never existed and never will exist. They believe life is all about prayer and work and having missionary sex. We not only have made sex evil but when someone has sex, the church tells us the correct way to have sex. It is control on top of control. It is the puritanical nonsense that we founded this nation upon. But if you go back and look at those puritanical people —- they were terribly brutal. Terribly, terribly brutal. But, what is life really? Forget all the rhetoric. All the pie in the sky stuff. You wake up, go to work, go home, watch TV, spend time with family, and have sex. That is it. Few of us have spectacular lives that we actually want. We settle because our options are limited. I have many questions to ask God about the inequity of his design. People say there is some grand design or larger purpose. That this is all some test. Well this test is fundamentally skewed. Some people you are giving an easy test to and some hard. Why is that? It makes no sense. You figure everyone would be on a level playing field. Unless our souls are constantly recycled and we keep coming back to learn something new I see no reason for the variance in difficulty of life. I would believe that more than I would some mythical heaven where you do nothing for eternity.
I agree we are hardwired for sex, and I also agree God did not make sex taboo. I’m not 100% sure I agree with your take on why church culture is the way it is when it comes to sex—especially since you’re talking about thousands of years of history here. I think there were periods of history where some of what you’re saying would have been true, but I’m not sure it is a wholesale answer.
The Bible doesn’t look on Solomon’s sex life as a positive thing—at least not his multiple wives. It was clearly his downfall, leading to rampant idolatry in the nation.
I’m not sure where you live, but I hear messages to women all the time about “not tempting men.” Conversations about modesty and propriety are common in many church circles today.
Hi Greg. If testosterone’s only role was a sex drive and if testosterone was the only hormone or neurochemical responsible for healthy sexuality, you might be onto something. But testosterone’s role is far bigger, and there is so much more to the biology of sex than one hormone’s role. Furthermore, the release of testosterone can be based on a lot of factors—including the viewing of porn from a young age.
I think the real tragedy of younger generations today is not their biological drive for sex but the environment of objectification they are raised in, the way it is shaping our neurological response to our biological drive.