To those who have experienced some victory in sexual purity
Some of you are doing better in your purity journeys. This article is for you.
There are plenty of times where we fail, fall, and falter in sexual addiction recovery. We take enough steps backward, and too many times we feel like giving up. It takes a while to gain traction in recovery.
What a wonderful thing it is when you start doing well! Struggles happen less frequently. Successes happen more often. Growth and strength become evident. And your good check-ins outweigh your bad check-ins.
Here are some encouragements to those of you who have experienced some victories in their sexual purity, along with some “next step” challenges.
1. Awesome! This is how it should be!
This is what healthy looks like. This is more in line with God’s plan for you sexually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. God wants your sobriety and success to be the new norm.
2. You’re building new habits
It takes a while to stop and replace the old, bad habits. You’re doing the conditioning and the hard work that is required. In recovery, you go to the sexual purity gym. It’s hard at first. It’s not fun. But after a while the results come and you find yourself getting stronger.
3. Shoot for new bottom lines and new milestones
Your bottom lines (behaviors you don’t want to do) need to change. Maybe a slip for you in the past equaled going to massage parlors or looking at porn. Draw some new bottom lines. Work on stopping masturbation and lustful thinking. Adjust your goals and the milestones striving for in your purity journey.
4. Make sure you know what’s working and why
Why have you had this success? You need to repeat it. Write down your purity plan and boundaries. Take note of the things that have made your success possible.
5. Any loopholes in your strategy?
It’s very hard to cover all the bases. Covenant Eyes software helps you on your computer and mobile devices. Make sure you put protection on all your devices. Give another person your password. Get rid of sensual magazines, newspapers, videos, and DVR shows. Make sure your boundaries are strong. Ask your spouse or accountability partner about any blind spots you may have.
6. Growth and strengthening are happening in your life
Growing in your purity journey is fantastic! It feels good. It’s healthy. Sit in it for a moment. Taste and see God’s goodness and provision for you at this stage. You can do it. Compared to where you were a few months ago, you’re a different person.
7. Bump up your helping of others
The next big level of recovery is when you start helping others. God is comforting you in your struggles so you can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). God is teaching you purity so you can teach others (2 Timothy 2:2). Others paid into you. It’s your turn to bear some children and grandchildren.
8. Build your general support team
You need three types of people on your support team:
- General Support–People who care for you and are pro-you. They are happy when you are around and build you up. They know at least some of your story.
- Drill-Down Support–Your deepest relationships. They know you and your story and still love you. You give them permission to ask you the hard questions, keep you accountable, and call the B.S. when necessary.
- Specialty Support–People who help you with specific areas of purity and recovery. Counselors, ministers, doctors, and lawyers may need to be on this team. Specialty support people know your story and have special tools in their tool bags to assist you.
Make new efforts to continue building your base of support. The principle here is to keep adding to your support instead of subtracting.
What other encouragements or challenges would you offer? Leave them in the comment section below.