Porn and Your Husband

Porn and Your Husband Ebook Cover

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

5 thoughts on “Help! My “Christian” Husband Secretly Watches Porn

  1. My dear sister,
    This is truly tortuous.
    My personal experience says ask for STD checks and ensure you have no unpleasant gifts from your husband. Secondly, sometimes the answer to the prayers for your marriage is to leave.
    Lastly, this is not about you or anything you have to learn. You may have to forgive and let go but I don’t believe God put you in this situation to learn something. You wandered into something inadvertently believing the best in someone. They lied.
    God will however turn all things to good. Seek some trauma counselling and do not consider marriage counselling while he is still hiding things from you.

    • Jo, I think you are beyond wrong. Did you not read the article? Do you not trust God to take control of the sin and lies in this woman’s life? I think you are a fool to discourage her from marriage counseling. Her husband seems to be struggling, and seems to want to stop. Why else would he confess his discretions to her? I say let God glorify himself in this relationship. Marriage was not designed to make us happy, but to make us holy.

  2. I full identify with the women in these blogs. I found out my Christian husband was secretly watching porn approximately 18 months ago and I was devastated. What made it worse that we had already spent much time, anguish and heartache struggling with his son’s addiction to porn. His son lived with us for 6 years before he moved in with friends of ours, due to his constant emotional abuse of me. His son has been addicted since he was 9 years old and is now 15. I thought once he left that things were on the up and up. But a few months later discovered that my Christian husband was also watching porn. He had been lying to me, going onto dating websites, taking secret photos to show his new ‘friends’ and watching stuff that made me feel degraded. I am from a strong Christian and church background, my parents have counselled for many years and all my family attend church, with one married to a pastor. I had very high moral standards and was proud that I was a virgin when I married at the age of 45. . What hurt me the most was the lying and the promises that he never kept. Once I realised how addicted he was I knew that it was the end of us fostering children or doing other children’s work from our home. I cant take the risk that they or their parents find what he has been doing.. There were many times I rang my mother up in tears wanting to leave him but I never have. My parents have been fantastic and given us full support and help. The huge break through came when my husband admitted to our senior pastor about his struggle. At no time was he judged or made to feel terrible about his addiction. Instead our pastor has been mentoring him and keeping him accountable though have said that he is not to be alone with any of the church children and he cant be in a leadership position. I am in leadership in church with responsibility for the 3-5 year olds and the church leadership continue to allow me to be in the position without judgement.. It has been a painful, difficult journey but I am determined not to let the devil destroy our marriage. In every other way my husband loves the Lord, he regularily puts on worship music and sings to the Lord, he has been a wonderful support during my recent injury (a broken rib) and gave up his son to save our marriage. He loves church, attend men’s prayer group and enjoys helping me in Children’s Church. However very few people know about his addiction because we know many people will judge.. Yes it would have been easy to leave him but the Christian life is not meant to be easy. God restores all things and he is in the process of restoring my husband. He has restored me and healed me and I am much more at peace. I don’t like it and my husband knows how much I hate it, but we are working together with the Lord, our pastor and my parents. We will come through.

    • Hi Maureen. I’m glad to hear that your husband is working at his recovery. I think that is the real key to whether a marriage survives this issue: will the addict take responsibility for his recovery, and do the long-term work that is required? One thing you didn’t mention here is what kind of support you’ve gotten for yourself in this? I’m asking, because I often find that so much effort and attention is put into the husband’s recovery that many many times the wife is left on her own to work things out. Given the kind of trauma that women often suffer in relationships like this, and given the emotional abuse you mentioned, I hope you’ve been able to find a good therapist to help you work through those various issues. Blessings, Kay

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