Porn and Your Husband

Porn and Your Husband Ebook Cover

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

3 thoughts on “Husband Porn Problems: Should I keep spying on him?

  1. Thank you for this post. I am also dealing with the same issue except in my case, my husband has actually gone out and slept with strippers. I am at lost right now as on 12/21/12 it happened again. This is the third Christmas back to back that I had to deal with this. to the point where I do not look forward to Christmas because it comes of heartache. My husband and I have tried marriage counseling at our church and he failed to do his part of the assignment and therefore, we were unable to continue counseling. I am at my breaking point and I am wanting out of this marriage. He keeps telling me not to divorce him but he is not willing to do anything to change. Will the divorce be a reality check for him? I don’t know what to do. My children are very young and I feel bad for them should we divorce. Please Help me!!!

    • Hi Nikky. Your husband’s sexual compulsiveness and infidelity are truly horrendous. He needs to own up to how this is harming you, him, and your marriage. Do not feel you have to keep this matter a secret for his benefit. First and foremost, you need support for yourself. You need someone wise to come alongside you and help you think clearly, someone to give you advice. Talk to someone like your pastor about this issue. Pull in family members or friends who you trust to be level-headed and compassionate. Don’t walk through this alone.

      Many people (most people?) will probably tell you you are not crazy for wanting out of the marriage. They will also probably tell you you are within your rights to divorce him. But I do believe divorce is a last resort. You are not a fool for staying to see what great miracle God might do in his life and your marriage, but neither are you a fool for leaving him. This situation calls for wisdom and a lot of prayer.

      I believe you would get a lot out of this series of videos by Brad Hambrick, a biblical counselor. He does a great job making the Word of God relevant to women who have been hurt by true sexual betrayal.

      For the time being, I would go to your husband and tell him, “I am going to seek advice on what to do about our marriage and help for my own heart. For the time being, you need to come up with an action plan of how you will stay faithful to me, in heart, soul, and body. I cannot come up with this plan for you. You need to find the resources necessary for your purity. You know more than anyone how weak you are when it comes to sexual temptation. If you love God and if you love me, then figure out what you need to do to change. I know you will need help with this, and I urge you to get it, but I cannot keep trusting you when you have shattered my trust. You must earn my trust. If you want to stay married to me, you must fight for my trust. Perhaps our marriage can heal, perhaps it will not. Much of that is up to you. I am not sure about what I need to do right now, but as far as it depends on you, I need you to fight for our marriage or we will not have a fighting chance at making it.”

      I hope this advice is helpful. My prayers are with you.

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