Porn and Your Husband

Porn and Your Husband Ebook Cover

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

4 thoughts on “Having Productive Conversations When Your Husband Watches Porn

  1. Luke,

    I am engaged to a man I highly respected. I just found porn on the internet history of his phone.

    I’m not the type to threaten to leave. If I did confront him, it would be to simply leave him. We are supposed to be married in 5 months. He has organised and paid for our home, our honeymoon, our wedding day and our future. But I do not understand how we can build a marriage on this. I cannot understand why I should stay with him and let him think it is okay to do this. How would I know he wouldn’t continue this into our marriage? We both believe in no sex before marriage. And I do believe that lusting for another woman amounts to adultery, so I don’t know that I can accept this. Is it wise to just leave?

    • Hi OC. Given your commitment to him, I would not simply leave him without speaking to him first. I agree with you that you should make a firm stand against this and make it absolutely clear that this is sinful to God and harmful to your (future) marriage. But men are all at different levels of struggle with this sin: some men are deeply entrenched in compulsive porn use, some men give into temptation once in a blue moon. Having seen evidence of this only once, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions about how deep his struggle goes.

      I’ve known many men who have quit porn cold turkey after only one serious confrontation about it. Do not call it quits on your engagement until you get more facts about this.

      That said, regardless of the depth of his problem, I would ask him to create a plan of action about how he intends to fight this temptation. Make it clear that this is not a negotiable matter. His plan to fight it needs to be proportional to the depth of the issue. Ask him to be totally honest with you about this. Show grace, but be firm in your commitment to a pure marriage.

      If you have any more questions, let me know.

  2. My (now) husband told me about his struggle with porn when we first started dating, but he made it sound like something in his past. I asked a few questions, got answers that made sense and went forward with the relationship. We didn’t have premarital counseling and now, several months into the marriage, I’ve discovered that the struggle is very much in the present. He has almost no sexual desire for me, continues to use porn and is hesitant about help.

    Please, please ask more questions than I did and get counseling NOW before you are married. It’s complicated enough when you’re engaged – trust me – it is even worse when you are newlyweds. I feel like I’ve spent the last several months of my life retreating from everyone I love because I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on…I don’t want admit that life as a newlywed is not exactly blissful.

    I do love my husband and I do believe that God can change our story and redeem our marriage. But, I also wish that we had properly dealt with this issue before we tied the knot.

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