“Not Even a Hint” of Sexual Immorality? A Word to Those Who Like Porn

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” – Ephesians 5:3

I was awakened to this verse when I read Every Man’s Battle by Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn, an essential book for any of us seeking to be sexually pure. Ephesians 5:3 is the theme verse for Every Man’s Battle, and it’s become the theme verse for my own sexual purity journey. It sums up my personal purity mission.

“No hint of sexual immorality” is the big goal we need to have in our sexual purity journeys. There are other sins and worldly pursuits mentioned in this passage but sexual immorality stands out the most for me.

If you read Ephesians 5 you’ll see that Paul calls the us to be above the world (v.1). Don’t be like the world. Don’t imitate the people in the world and their ways. Instead, imitate God.

Let’s look at the phrase “not even a hint.” I wish that it didn’t say it like this. I would like to allow a “hint” of sexual immorality every once in a while. Do you ever feel like that?

I may allow for it in my standards, but there’s no place for it in God’s standards. My standards are sub-par and usually have to do with stopping behaviors I don’t like anymore. But God has something different for me, something deeper. He wants me to be pure. Period. Completely pure. No hint of sexual immorality.

God broadens his call to purity when he adds “or of any kind of impurity.” There are impurities I allow into my life that are not necessarily sexual. God is trying to tell me “don’t be stained by the world.” He pounds this truth again when he reminds me I’m one of “God’s holy people.”

As I’ve wrestled with this verse in my sexual purity journey, I’ve had a couple of sincere questions to God.

Question #1: Is this really possible?

I think the answer is “no,” not with us…not when it comes to having no hint of sexual immorality or impurity. It has to come from God. He leads us in this direction and will provide for us.

I think the problem I have (and many of us have) is that I really don’t believe this Scripture. I know it in my mind, but I don’t believe it in my heart. I don’t think it’s achievable. I think there must be some other understanding of this verse.

Just because I haven’t had sustained victory in an area like masturbation, adultery, or lustful thoughts doesn’t mean that it’s not God’s standard. Also, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. There must be a faith component to this verse. I know that nothing’s impossible for God, but my heart is not always there yet.

Early in my recovery, I wished that sexual purity would come my way instantly. I wanted magic. I wanted to go from struggling to having no struggles. I wanted my sexual problems to disappear immediately. I kept looking for God to wave His magic wand over me and it would be easy. It never worked out that way.

This verse reminds me how much I need God for my sexual purity journey, and how impossible it is for me.

Question #2:  Why would God impose this on me?

I felt like God was being cruel by asking this of me. I believed I needed sex and sexual stimulation in order to be okay and have my needs met. I thought I needed to have an orgasm to be fulfilled and take the edge off. I thought sexual satisfaction was a part of being a man.

When I got honest with God, I would pout, “Why can’t I have just a little bit of sexual stimulation? Don’t you know that I need it? Don’t you know that I can’t live without sex?”

This was one of the many lies I believed about sex. My heart was deceived. I convinced myself that having sex and having orgasms were basic needs for any man.

I was angry that God was calling me to a higher standard. I didn’t like it. I liked my standard. I liked what I was already doing. I liked my “drug of choice.” I liked to be able to masturbate, look at Internet pornography and objectify women.

The Path Toward Healthy Sexuality

Until my recovery began, I didn’t realize I had never experienced healthy sexuality. I thought I was healthy when I would stop looking at porn or stop masturbating. But health was more than sobriety and stopping bad behaviors.

Ephesians 5:3 calls me to trust God with my sexuality and surrender it to Him. It becomes a matter of faith. Do I believe God’s Word is true? Do I believe that His standard is the best? Am I willing to obey and adopt His standard as my own?

Key Purity Principles

1. God calls us to the highest standard of sexual purity.
2. Sexual purity is impossible without God’s power. The desire to be pure pushes us toward God.
3. Sexual purity goes against the flow. We’re not going to be like the world and like our buddies any more.  It’s all about being holy people and imitators of God.