His Porn Problem: He hates when I bring it up

After admitting their porn problem, a lot of men get angry and annoyed when their wives bring the subject up. The wife wants to heal and feels like she needs to communicate these things in order to overcome this. He, however, feels like they need to move on to overcome this.

Imagine if you murdered someone and went to jail, truly repented, and were sent free from jail on pardon…something you never imagined possible…and when you get out there the closest person to you constantly talks about your murder. “How did it happen? What did you do? I just can’t get over this.” It would chain you to your past and make it hard to find freedom, wouldn’t it? And even if the person closest to you trusted that you wouldn’t kill them, and forgave you for what you did, but still talked about it all the time, you would feel the guilt always plaguing you. You would probably rather run back to jail than try to fight for freedom with the past always bombarding you.

I think one of the most common problems when going through this is that we don’t know how to communicate positively. As wives, we get stuck in trying to heal by talking about sin and dwelling on the negative topics, instead of talking about God, how we can become better examples of Him, and focusing on things that are pure. Because it’s through this that the negative gets washed away. If we keep talking about sin, sin will increase all the more. As hard as it is to allow your ex-inmate to find freedom in his new world, you need to allow him to find his way to new life.

I know it’s hard for a woman to do this, because her pain is still keeping her in her own prison, so she wants to keep him locked up too. It’s not fair to see a free man running about with joy when you are still in your cell counting down the days to your death. But you can have freedom too.

We need to figure out what is keeping us in prison. What locks us up in our dungeons, and let go. We need to let go of the negative, stop talking about sin, and allow our husbands (and ourselves) to embrace a new life. He won’t be perfect when he gets out of jail. He will still make mistakes, but he needs someone’s love to help him figure out how to live a new life. Same thing goes for a wife. Both of us need God more than anything. We need to break free from our cells, then embrace new life with Christ without dwelling on the prison we just escaped. We need to focus on God, things that are pure and lovely, things that draw us near to God and keep us there, in His arms, so that every instance of our lives on earth are lived as though we are already in heaven with Him. Let the old husband, the old marriage, the old YOU go…so that you can embrace the new husband, the new marriage, and the new you in Christ.