About the author, Jeff Fisher

Jeff Fisher

Jeff Fisher and his wife Marsha live in Raleigh, North Carolina. They run PurityCoaching.com and PorntoPurity.com and have helped hundreds of sexual strugglers, spouses, and church leaders find help and resources. Jeff has podcasted for the last six years about sexual purity through his Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast (iTunes). Jeff can be reached at jeff@puritycoaching.com.

View all posts by Jeff Fisher →

Your Brain on Porn

Your Brain on Porn Ebook Cover

Watching just 5 hours of porn has been proven to significantly change people's sexual beliefs and attitudes. Find out 5 distinct ways that porn warps your brain, as well as 5 biblical ways to renew your mind and find freedom.

16 thoughts on “Why Doesn’t God Just Take My Sexual Desire Away?

  1. I felt as if God was urging me to seek out a mate about four years ago, but nothing good came out of it. I found myself feeling anger and jealousy towards Him and the couples I saw walking hand-in-hand out in public. And that’s not even mentioning the smothering depression that seemed to creep up me at random. It wasn’t helped by the posts I saw online of people who’d been praying and waiting for years for a mate and still hadn’t found one. In fact, one of the last proverbial straws for me was when I called a prayer hotline for emotional support a few months back. I told the kind-hearted lady about my predicament, and she said, “I know how you feel, Chris, because I’ve been asking tne Lord for a mate for 30 years now.” It was like, REALLY?I decided that I couldn’t and wouldn’t wait that long if that’s how long it would take and asked God to just take away my sex drive so that the urge for a mate, and the emotional havoc that I was experiencing as the result of not having one, would all go away. I’ve also done some emotional and mental conditioning of my own to help. He seems to be listening. Being single and celibate doesn’t sound nearly as bad as it used to.

    It’s easy to call the sex drive a gift when you’re married and have the appropriate outlet; it’s also easy to say,”To hell with it” and push it all off a cliff when you don’t. I don’t know if He gave me the so-called gift of singleness that Paul mentioned, but I intend to live my llife as though He had.

    • Hi Chris, I know the frustration. Loneliness is an awful feeling.

      I believe the gift of singleness isn’t an ability, but is rather a situation. Quite simply, you have the gift of singleness by virtue of being single, just as I have the gift of marriage by virtue of being married. Knowing this can really help, because if you falsely believe that the ability to be single is a “gift” from God, but you also believe that God didn’t give you that gift but leaves you single, this can make us angry at God for being capricious.

      Rather, the reality is that we live in a fallen world where our desires are often frustrated. In our groaning we should long for the day this brokenness will completely end. Until that time, we will receive from God “foretastes” of that world to come by the power of His Spirit.

      I would recommend the following:
      1. Don’t deny your sex drive. It is part of who you are, part of how God made you.
      2. Recognize there is only one place where the passion of sex is safe and profitable: in marriage. It is like a fireplace that safely contains the fire and brings warmth to the whole house. A fire of the same size in the middle of the floor only burns the house down.
      3. Rather than denying your sexuality, use it as a motivation to “build your fireplace”: become the kind of man who would gladly take care of and nurture one woman for the rest of your life. Become a man of that kind of character.
      4. Pursue godly relationships with women, trusting that even your failed relationships are some of the means God is using to help you become like His Son Jesus. Only by having this kind of trust can we enter relationships with confidence and hope.

  2. Again, it’s easier to call the libido a gift when you have the appropriate “outlet”. To me, it’s a cancer that needs to be removed.

  3. I fell for the guy I’m with now when I was 17. By the time i realized it was an unhealthy relationship there was no way out. We decided to have kids…which I love to pieces by the way…which coupled with his control and manipulation meant that I would never get out and never find a good, respectful, honest, faithful, Christian man to marry(though I wonder if men like that even exist). I’ve honestly always wanted to married not just because it’s the right thing to do because it’s who I am. I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be with more than one guy so why not marriage. But not with the guy I’m with. My situation is a bit complicated and there’s more than I would openly share on here or with anyone for that matter. I had all I could take about 2 years ago and I started praying for God to just allow me to be away from this guy…I stoppped loving him 5 years ago after all the things he has done. I felt like God completely took away my desire to be with the guy I’m with now which is fine because I knew he wasn’t right for me. And I felt like God placed a desire in my heart to marry someone else someday. Someone that would that would love and respect me the right way. Someone that is honest, faithful and has a heart of Gold. It’s really funny because I’m the type of person that doesn’t allow myself to want anything that I know I will never have. Not because of who I am or what I have to offer but because I’m used to being disappointed and my current situation proves this scenario impossible. I’m pretty sure I have the sexual purity thing down really well I just wish my loneliness and desire for a good man would just go away. It is the most frustrating thing in the world. And while I believe that marriage is one of God’s most beautiful creations, I know that not everyone gets that lucky. : (

  4. Chris, I feel the very same way you do. Sometimes God’s blessings
    come seemingly too late, And sometimes those are the best kinds of blessings.

    • Gods Blessings never come too late, but always right on time to teach us the lesson he is working on. Look to Jesus in everything you do and he will pave that narrow path just for your feet. God is Love, and there is nothing to blame on God except that he loved us and sent his son to save us. Jesus says ask and it will be given, seek and you will find. Marrage is great but there is none in heaven, so dont set your eyes on things of this world no matter how good they seem and make you feel. We are to live by Faith not Feelings, because if we lived by feelings, the night before Jesus was crucified he didnt want to do it. He said my soul is sorrowfull even to death, and asked some of his deciples to pray. If he lived by feelings he wouldnt have died and took our sins away. Hear the Gospel is my advice because noone goes to the father except through Jesus Christ, so fall in love with him, make some vows and marry him because he gives us life. Seek first the kingdom of god and the rest will be added, Jesus is the kingdom. He is the Truth, the life and the way.
      hope i helped and sorry if anything is not spelled correctly. I didnt have time to proof read, i just figured i would get one more motivating message out there and get one person on the right path at least.

  5. We are born and given biological urges to pursue and find the opposite sex attractive. God made a woman beautiful to a man , the desire to procreate is natural if we didnt have it the human race would go extinct. I dont see what is sinful and evil about this.

    • The desires are natural and healthy, and a gift, you’re right. But like most of our normal biological urges, we have to use them in healthy ways. You can’t eat junk food all day long and expect to stay healthy. If you do junk sex, that’s going to mess you up, too. I think all of us struggle with taking responsibility for ourselves in one way or another, and in those times we would love for God to just zap us better, but that’s not the way it works. Free will is our gift, alongside all the other gifts we have, and it’s our job as individuals to make choices that are healthy for ourselves and respectful of others.

    • I have been where Chris is, and once in a while I still feel like having a sex drive is a curse. When you live in a culture that glorifies promiscuity and provocative dress, it can be very frustrating at times. I work in an area where there are a seemingly endless array of beautiful, sexy, physically fit women, and my flesh will want to be gratified with them by means of fantasizing. I know it’s my sin nature, so I have to fight it off and ask for God’s help. Too often though, instead of looking to God right away, I decide to enjoy the view too much, which only serves to increase the struggle. It’s like Paul said about doing the things he doesn’t want to do. He goes on to say “Who will deliver me from this body of death?!” I believe that is what Chris is talking about, and I feel the same way. Body of death indeed. I am a happily married man, and wouldn’t want anyone else, but there are many times where I wish my sex drive would be removed so I can be more successful in honoring God. Even though I know that my struggle is a result of years of immoral living before Christ, it still doesn’t make it easy to slip into resentment about it.

  6. You are welcome to email me to debate I am Christian and open minded to healthy conversations. I also dont see why a person should feel guilty to have these desires. When I got very sick had mumps and lost the physical desire , my mental desire for the opposite sex also declined. Which proves a biological link which is controlled by our physical make up. For a man we are producing millions of sperm a day which needs a physical outlet . This physical desire becomes a mental desire to seek the opposite sex and to procreate. Sex was also created for pleasure and there is nothing wrong with it. email oikostrading@gmail.com

    • Hey Stephan,

      I’m not exactly sure what “these desires” are exactly, since there’s a lot covered in this article. If you’re talking about the desire to have sex, yes: this is as natural as the day is long. If you’re suggesting that the presence of this desire means one should be able to orgasm, regardless of the cost, I would disagree. Can you elaborate?

    • James June 24, 2015 at 6:30 pm
      I have been where Chris is, and once in a while I still feel like having a sex drive is a curse. When you live in a culture that glorifies promiscuity and provocative dress, it can be very frustrating at times. I work in an area where there are a seemingly endless array of beautiful, sexy, physically fit women, and my flesh will want to be gratified with them by means of fantasizing. I know it’s my sin nature, so I have to fight it off and ask for God’s help. Too often though, instead of looking to God right away, I decide to enjoy the view too much, which only serves to increase the struggle. It’s like Paul said about doing the things he doesn’t want to do. He goes on to say “Who will deliver me from this body of death?!” I believe that is what Chris is talking about, and I feel the same way. Body of death indeed. I am a happily married man, and wouldn’t want anyone else, but there are many times where I wish my sex drive would be removed so I can be more successful in honoring God. Even though I know that my struggle is a result of years of immoral living before Christ, it still doesn’t make it any easier to not slip into resentment about it.

    • To Chris and James,

      I was single until I was about 28 years old, and I remember what it was like to listen to married people tell me about the “gift” of sexuality—it was frustrating to no end.

      Looking back, I know now there were a lot of lies I believed about sex and about God that really kept me trapped in lust. It was so easy for me to treat sex like the holy grail of pleasurable experiences and God was the one keeping it just out of grasp. With that kind of attitude, I became resentful and used my lust almost like my tantrum at God. Before my sexuality could be viewed as a gift and not a curse, I needed to repent of my false beliefs about it and really take God at his word.

      At the same time, I also needed to treat my libido as an invitation from God to pursue romance and intentional relationships, doing as Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4: “know how to take a wife.” That was a slow lesson for me personally, and I’m so glad God is a patient teacher.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *