A couple weeks ago I was interviewed by the good folks at FeedTheRightWolf, a site dedicated to passing along resources for overcoming pornography addiction. Thought I would pass it along for our readers here as well.
Q: What was your life like before you realized that you had porn addiction?
I would probably not have labeled my problem an “addiction” in the beginning, but I knew very early on that I was losing control. It was shocking what lengths I would go to to get my “fix” and to keep it a secret.
Other than a few glimpses at calendar girls in my teen years, I didn’t see pornography until I was in college. I was working at a video rental store which gave me free and unlimited access (not to mention unaccountable access) to anything I wanted to see. This was the beginning of a downward slope for me. I quickly went from videos to the Internet which opened up a whole world of variety and novelty.
At the time I was single and was able to keep my obsession a secret from my friends. Those who did know about my temptations only knew part of the story, so I was able to keep people’s concerns at bay.
Had I been completely honest with myself, I believe I would have been able to see my compulsion stemming from a number of issues that I had buried deep within my heart. (1) I was incredibly lonely, but I didn’t know how to really pursue a wholesome relationship with a woman and be really committed. The pornography was my easy escape, a quick fix for me to feel like a man without requiring myself to be one. (2) I was also incredibly angry at God for not giving me the things I wanted in life, specifically a wife. Looking at pornography was my way of saying, “Okay God, you’re not going to give me what I want. I’ll just take it however I can get it.”
