Lois had a rude awakening when she discovered Clark’s porn addiction…
Lois came from an abusive and dysfunctional family background. As I listened to her story, I was holding back tears as she told me about the anger and chaos that she lived in as a child. Her past did not get any better when she became a teen. She longed for anyone to care about her and learned early that she could get attention and love by being flirtatious. As her body began to change, people noticed her, which is exactly what she longed for.
She felt close to her daddy when she was younger, but as she got older she realized their relationship was not authentic. Her dad engaged in fun activities with her only when it was convenient for him. From her perspective, she thought he loved her. As she became older and needed him in a different way, she became more of an inconvenience to him. She grew to resent him. She did not know that her daddy did not know how to be a dad. The best he could offer her was to be a play buddy.
Her daddy had never taken anyone under his wing to disciple and when it came to his daughter, he was especially “out of his league.” It did not help that he was an angry man who led a chaotic home. Lois began to “mark her days” by the time she was 12-years old, waiting until she could get out of the home.
Her natural beauty set her up for failure. Lois longed for a better life and she interpreted a better life as being “loved and protected.” To her, the way to be cared for according to her craving was to find a man who could pull this off. By the time she was 18, she had slept with a dozen guys. Sex was how she “screened” her potential boyfriends. She gave up her body, which allowed her time to check them out.
I Met My Savior
Lois’ cousin introduced her to her boyfriend’s best friend, Clark. Clark seemed different from all the other guys Lois had met. He was nice, considerate, seemingly patient, and he would always open the door for Lois. She was smitten immediately. Within nine months they were married. They did not receive any guidance about courtship and marriage because it felt right. Lois’ parents were thankful that she had met a “nice guy.” Her daddy was even more excited about not having to provide for her anymore.
My Savior Sinned
Their marriage was in trouble from the beginning. Lois had a rude awakening when she discovered Clark’s porn addiction. She was devastated. Her prince was a frog wearing nice clothes. She felt betrayed. Her faith, hope, and dreams were wrapped up in being saved from her past and Clark was her ticket to a better life.
What Lois did not figure into her plan was the fallenness of mankind, specifically the fallenness of her husband. Though she would tacitly agree that all humans are sinners, it did not matter as long as it did not interfere with her hopes and dreams. However, when Lois’ savior sinned against her, she was devastated, angry and unwilling to forgive.
In her mind Clark could not have committed a worse sin. She wanted a specific kind of savior. She wanted one who would love her and no one else. She waited all her life to be loved. Her daddy defrauded her. Her teenage “lovers” defrauded her. And now her husband has been officially classified as a fraud.
She went to exhaustive lengths to find the perfect man. This is why she “played the field” until she found Clark. It is ironic that she does not see her sin in the same light that she is using to judge her husband’s. Sadly, because of her unmitigated idolatry that ensnared her as a little child, she is blinded by her lust to be loved.
Reflective Application Thoughts
- Did you marry your savior?
- Did your savior disappoint you?
- How did you respond to your disappointing savior?
- Do you treat your savior the way God treats you? Do you hold your savior to a different standard than what God holds you?
- Who is the bigger sinner: (1) You; (2) Your savior? (Read 1 Timothy 1:15 when answering this question.)
I too was a savior who betrayed…. not all the facts are 100% the same, but enough that it convicts me anew. She needed me to be spiritual head, not a fallen man with faults and shortcomings. *sigh* Failed God and failed her.
Thank you for posting this. I think this is an all too prevalent theme… so very much so that Dr. Dobson devoted an entire chapter in his new book Bringing Up Girls to how important a daddy’s role is in affirming and building up his little girl and having that not end when she begins to become a young lady.
Thank you, and thank you to Dr. Dobson.