- Monday, January 25th, 2010
- Written By Luke Gilkerson
- Categories: Lust - Fighting the Battle, Pornography Addiction, Wives of Porn Addicts Back to Blog Home
How Porn Ruins Sex Drive
Repeatedly viewing pornography can have a discernible effect on sex drive. When we train our minds on virtual sexuality, it is easy to lose interest in the real thing with our wives.
Research shows this time and time again:
- French neuroscientist Serge Stoleru reports on how overexposure to erotic stimuli exhausted the sexual responses of healthy young men.
- Dr. Dolf Zillmann reports about how prolonged exposure to pornography leads to cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners, and the belief that marriage is sexually confining.
- Sociologist Jill Manning reports on how pornography consumption is associated with decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction.
- According to Media, Children, and the Family: Social Scientific, Psychodynamic, and Clinical Perspectives, sexual arousal diminishes with repeated exposure to pornographic scenes.
Our brains are naturally attracted to novelty: it is what drives the learning process. Pornography, especially Internet pornography, is a veritably endless landscape of sexual novelty. How can one woman compete with thousands of eager virtual playmates?
Porn is also easy. It requires nothing of us but an Internet connection. We don’t need to pursue romance. We don’t need to serve anyone else.
Rob Jackson explains, “Once porn is downloaded into our mental hard drive through the portals of the senses, it works like a computer virus, corrupting our thoughts about sexuality. The contaminated files include our thoughts about being male or female, what we believe about our sexuality, how we plan to behave sexually, and whether we have the capacity to remain faithful in marriage.”
Dr. Mary Anne Layden states, “Having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being.”
Don’t let pixels on a screen steal the blessing of intimacy with the one you love. If you can’t pull yourself away from the porn, get help for your addiction.
Download your free copy of Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives.This Guide is designed by Covenant Eyes to answer some of the common questions wives have, such as…
- Why does he look at porn?
- How can he watch porn and say he loves me?
- Why am I not enough?
- Why does he prefer porn to sex with me?
This guide gives practical ideas for bringing healing to your relationship. It dispels some of the myths about this problem and gives wives clear action steps to show tough love to their husbands.
Excellent point about wives never being able to compete with virtual playmates. That’s so true. I hear a lot of advice about training yourself to appreciate your wife sexually over playmates, but that’s all about denial. Wives can never compete straight up sexually. It’s only when we first appreciate them through their (and our) relationship with God that we are able to see past the purely sexual. Then we really do appreciate our wives sexually more.
In short, we can’t focus on fixing the sexual… because we lose every time that way.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Pingback: Tweets that mention Breaking Free » How Porn Ruins Sex Drive -- Topsy.com
Powerful message that pornography can affect us and shut down the desire to be one with our partner.
Great post, Luke. It’s time for the “Men who don’t look at porn have better sex” T-shirts.
@Brian – Wow. Marvelous marketing idea. Maybe CE can get into the apparel business as well.
Rob Jackson hit the nail on the head when he said it corrupts “our thoughts about sexuality” and “what we believe about our sexuality.” Porn lead to bisexual porn, which lead to gay porn and had the same effects on my thoughts of my sexuality when I was in highschool. Thankfully God showed me His grace and mercy, convicted me and showed me His love and how he shows His love through the campanionship in how He ordained it to bem between man and woman. Porn can have a stronghold on anyone who watches it, even if it’s only once.
I had no concept of my ex-wife’s struggle with trying to compete with the images of women she found I’d been viewing online. Much like the husband in the video, I’d compartmentalized the porn-surfing part of my sexual life: to me it didn’t have anything to do with replacing my relationship with her. I had not even entertained having sex with another flesh-and-blood woman. In her mind this struggle ate away at her self-image and her sexuality like a cancer. I did not grasp that my porn addiction was an infidelity every bit as hurtful and real to her as if I was having an affair until I’d damaged our relationship beyond the point of repair. I suspect many porn-addicted men are as blind to the destruction their addiction sows as I was.
Wake Up and ask God to transform your heart before any more damage is done! Attend a recovery ministry, get an accountability partner, join a safe 12-step program and reveal your heart to your sponsor. It’s hard work, but forgiveness and healing can be yours through the sacrifice of God’s only Son on Calvary’s Cross.
@Rob – Your comment reminds me of something Mark Gaither wrote on our blog a while back: “Is Porn the Same As Adultery?” I thought his insights into the hearts and minds of women was refreshing and powerful.
Thanks for sharing some of your story with us!
women causing other women problems. blame your fellow females.
My husband has been porn free for over a year, and he still isn’t interested in me. He’s has his testosterone checked, and it’s not low. I’ve been going to the gym and working out more, grown my hair out long, worn different clothes, more makeup, etc., but he isn’t interested. And it’s not that he hates me, but it’s like he likes being in a “friendly” type of relationship. But I want romance/intimacy. I guess I figured with porn out of the way, he’d be interested in me. But clearly, he’s not. But then he doesn’t really talk to his friends much or his family. My point being that I’m not the only one he seems to push away. Could it be depression brought on by years of porn?
Will this ever go away??
What can I do?
I had no ideas that prolonged virtual reality sex may diminish ur sex drive. I have been struggling with porn now for 2 yrs I am sick of the peaks and valleys of winning and losing battles seems almost like this will always be a battle
@David – I’ve been there, for sure. The battle, in one sense, will always be there because of the world we live in, but God can do a great work in our hearts that strips of our bad habits and addictions and gives us fresh grace in the battle. Believe he is able to slay your sin. Please, look around our blog and see the resources here. I hope you find something that encourages you!
Pingback: Your Sacred Calling » Part 2: Soul Surfer: Beaches, Bikinis, and…Bibles?
Pingback: Your Sacred Calling » Part 2 of Beaches, Bikinis, and…Bibles?
Pingback: LAF/Beautiful Womanhood
I have been with my husband for 4 years now and I have come across porn many times. I have grown up as a christian all my life and I am sure my religion has swayed my views on pornography. It has always been something I am not comfterable with. I feel hurt, abused, betrayed, sick to my stomach, taken advantage of, and ugly. I don’t know how to make my husband understand how bad it hurts me. Society has made him believe that its normal and “a guy thing”, he says “whats the problem”. I am really at a crossroads with this and am trying very hard to make our marriage work, but the porn is a huge reacering issue that is makeing me feel as though I am begining to not love him anymore. I know I do love him but my heart is growing cold. I need some advise on how to make him understand and work to overcome this. Ir seems that his love for me is not enouph to rid something that hurts me. I also do notice that his sex drive is very different with me and he does not do the very things that he watches on the pornsites with me, like trying to please me sexually rather than just getting himself off. I am confused and conflicted and need some guidence. I ask God every day to help me with this issue, but nothing has gotten better, I do realize though that mhy husband is the one that needs to want to change this for God to work on his heart, but shouldn’t there be some kind of reliefe that God gives me for my will in my own heart for this to stome distroying our marriage?