Hope After Porn

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Porn use (and even adultery) doesn't always mean that a marriage is over. Get this free e-book to read how four betrayed wives found healing for themselves and for their marriages.

3 thoughts on “Husbands Who Watch Porn: A message of hope to wives

  1. I understand this totally. My husband says that he wants to stop looking at pornography as well, but he hasn’t stopped in the 5 years we’ve been married. I COULN’T get Covenant Eyes, but he wouldn’t be willing to do it. Also, he’s got the internet set up on his PS3, cell phone, and can go over his friend’s house to look it up as well. Plus, he won’t even TALK to somene to get help from it. He’s ashamed, as he should be. But he’s not realizing that I, his wife, have reached a breaking point of wanting to even move out of the house because this is stressing me beyond words.

  2. I felt the relief of getting the reports as well. Till I found out my husband’s knows how to get around the software and has been lying about it for the past 3yrs. Not sure how I will ever know the truth anymore.

    • Hi Ashley,

      I think there are a couple of things that can help as you decide if your husband is trustworthy or not.

      First, he will make behavioral changes. He will take responsibility for his own behavior. He will do work consistently and faithfully on his own recovery: counseling, groups, internet monitoring, etc. He will do that without your having to intervene. He won’t be perfect all the time, but when he falls, he will pick himself up and keep doing the work.

      If he’s not able to make that happen, then I’d say you need to consider what healthy boundaries look like for you. There are any number of options when it comes to boundaries. Are you willing to live with his level of porn use as it is? Do you need to separate for a while so that he can consider whether he’s willing to invest in a better relationship? Here, here, and here are articles on boundaries.

      If your husband is willing to work on his behavioral trust issues, that’s great! Over time, he should also become more emotionally trustworthy as well. This, for me, is when you really know that things are working in a relationship: is he able to care about how you feel, listen to you, attend to your emotions? That’s really what a successful marriage is all about.

      No matter what your husband choose, though, YOU can choose to be healthy and whole. Find a counselor, find a group, check out the online resources at Bloom. You be responsible for you.

      Peace,
      Kay

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