- Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
- Written By Luke Gilkerson
- Categories: Accountability Partner Resources, Accountability Software, Criticisms and FAQ for Covenant Eyes Back to Blog Home
FAQ: “Whom should I choose to be my Accountability Partner?”
Once you’ve downloaded Covenant Eyes, who should you choose to be your accountability partner(s)? We get this question from time to time, and it is an important question. Choosing the right kind of person can be a huge help to you as you try to surf the Web with purity and integrity.
An accountability partner should be . . .
- Someone you regularly talk to in real (offline) life – This may seem obvious, but in our Internet age, more and more people establish and maintain relationships entirely through Web communication. I currently have about 600 “friends” on Facebook, but I physically see a small percentage of them on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. Real accountability is most powerfully lived out in face-to-face relationships.
- Someone you can trust to be confidential – Sometimes our Internet surfing record reveals sensitive information about our private lives, our interests, our weaknesses, our mistakes, and our habits. Our accountability partners should be people we can trust to know that information.
- Someone who won’t rush to conclusions – The Accountability Report reflects not only the choices we’ve made online, but also the potential temptations we’ve faced. Every page you visit, even a benign page, may have dozens of items on it: pictures, videos, text, banner ads, links, etc. Each and every one of these items are rated for objectionable content by Covenant Eyes. Even when you don’t click on these items, they will be recorded. A good accountability partner is someone who will be willing to carefully review the detailed browsing logs to discern where you may have gone.
- Someone who will approach/confront you – A good accountability partner should not be timid when it comes to asking you about a questionable item on your report. Accountability partners who take a hands-off approach will render the accountability program useless.
- Someone with patience and compassion – In times where we make mistakes or give into temptation, it is important that our accountability partners be firm and yet compassionate people. You should not need to fear condemnation from an accountability partner.
- Someone willing to be accountable to you – The best kind of accountability partnerships are mutual. Consider someone who is willing to let you hold him or her accountable in various areas of life.
Luke,
Great post. I wrote a paper on this recently for my Sexual Integrity class. You can see it here at http://briangardner.org/content/siformen/handouts/AccountabilityGuide.pdf
(sorry for the ugly link, but I don’t think I can leave a reply with embedded HTML – that could be a dangerous feature).
Brian
Thanks, Brian, for your insights! I’ve been groping for ways in which I may become a better accountability partner.
I read your paper and your Accountability Guide. You offer some terrific advice. I wonder if, perhaps, Breaking Free might want to post it here…[?]…
Keep up the good work!
Donald
Wow, Brian! This is some very practical advice on how to help someone maintain accountability. I love how in-depth it is, and you really describe the ways some people (many/most) try to wiggle around full and complete accountability. Being someone’s accountability partner really takes some forethought and real commitment to the person’s total spiritual well-being. I wonder how many people are truly willing to go to this distance to help some else. And how many people are willing go this distance to open themselves up to this measure of scrutiny.
Great article!
An accountability partner should be . . .
-not a woman.
It’s too threatening for a woman to be confronted each time again with porn ánd be an accountibility partner. She can (far more than men) loose confidence in men.
@JS – Thanks for thoughts. I wrote a post about whether one’s wife should be the primary accountability partner. Click here to read it. Let me know what you think.
@JS – unless, that is, it’s a woman who needs the accountability! I’m glad Covenant Eyes isn’t just for men. I certainly need it.
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OK, so I’m not usually this slow to react to things (08Jul09 was when this thread began, and it’s now 16Dec11)…
I am in a bit of a quandary as I presently have accountability partners and just invited another. Part of the reason I invited another is that, in my opinion, my current accountability partners have demonstrated a consistent absence of three qualities I believe are essential for any accountability partner (of mine, at least):
1) due diligence (read each report and offer some specific comments on each)
2) timeliness (provide feedback on report ‘n’ before they get report ‘n+1′)
3) alertness (call me on non-porn sites they are aware are problematic for me)
Not wanting to co-opt the thread but wondering if perhaps one could be started on (something like) “When to fire your accountability partner”.
@Tim – Great topic to consider! I’ll plan on that for January, actually.
Just curious: Do you consider these three downfalls the major problems or are their other things you wish your accountability partners did?